I want more

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/177560/i-want-more

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  alanswansea18

  Your poems are amazing.

  LikeReply1 month ago
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  Giselavigil

  This is beautiful. So raw. Thanks for sharing it.

  LikeReply3 months ago
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    Kaytee

    thanks for your feedback!

    LikeReply3 months ago
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  AIDA

  This poem radiates with a sense of longing and desire for connection, and I absolutely love the passion and emotion that seep through the words. It beautifully captures the essence of yearning for a deep, meaningful relationship and wanting to be truly understood.
  
  The use of imagery throughout the poem is exquisite - from hearing a painting, to being comfort and pulse raising at the same time, to the lotus flowers and murky waters, these metaphors add depth and richness to the verses. They create vivid pictures in the reader's mind, allowing us to fully immerse ourselves in the emotions being expressed.
  
  The poem's message of wanting someone who feels like home, someone who can hear secrets and kiss scars, is incredibly moving. It taps into the longing we all have for a love that is genuine and accepting, one that sees beyond the surface and embraces every part of us.
  
  In terms of improvement, one suggestion would be to consider varying the structure or rhythm of the poem. While the current format allows the thoughts to flow smoothly, introducing occasional variations in stanza length or line breaks could add an interesting dynamic to the piece.
  
  Additionally, expanding on the theme of self-discovery and exploration could add another layer of depth to the poem. Exploring the process of removing the masks and discovering one's true self could further enhance the emotional journey portrayed.
  
  Overall, this poem is an evocative and heartfelt expression of longing, and it beautifully conveys the desire for a profound connection. I appreciate the imagery and emotions conveyed, and with a few tweaks to structure and expanding on the theme, it has the potential to become even more captivating. Great work! more »

  LikeReply3 months ago
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  Symmetry60

  This is perfect the way it is, K. Keep every shred of humanity in your work because no one is perfect; nor to be lost in a swell of technicality that detracts from its humanity. As humans we sport imperfections - one of which is the imperfection of stringency. It's easy to shred people's offering - we can all do that. What isn't easy is the allowance of imperfection as a measure of reference, points in time, regret, mistakes and missteps, etc. No one is above or beyond these regardless of technical prowess.
  
  Keep your frailty, fragility, fallibility and context because it is expressed proof of your humanness and humanity. This is a perfect piece of writing. Music does not resonate because the band made no mistakes, but rather because of the beauty of what resonates with all humans - relatability, sincerity and soul. You are that. Ignore the chatter. ;-) more »

  LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    alanswansea18

    and look at the professional writers who write poems with the fancy words. Then you look at mine. It's the same either way. Thank you so much.

    LikeReply 23 months ago
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    Symmetry60

    99% of us on this site are not educated literary majors, self included. We're just working stiffs. We come here to express ourselves as the imperfect souls we are. The last thing we want, need or desire is a pretentiousness that sucks the love of writing from our being. Kaytee is an amazing person and writer. Imagine being at concert, say Journey of old with Steve Perry bringing 25,000 souls to tears, and having some vocal instructor run up on stage spouting "WRONG!" Good lord! Who the heck does that to someone with emotion and sentiment they're trying to get off their chest? We all want to be the best we can be, but there's a time, place and way of doing so...by those we hire to do so; otherwise it's the whole "opinions are like a-holes. Everyone's got one." LoL more »

    LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    Kaytee

    Thanks Steve! The majority of us are not educated in literature and poetry. We are just here doing our thing, expressing ourselves and shamelessly getting feedback from friends who support us no matter what :) Poetry is art and what I find beautiful someone else may not like. We cannot be Monet and Picasso. We are who we are. Art is sometimes messy and clunky and sometimes great. I love the quote "Poems are strange creatures because they are truth and fiction at once."- Alix Klingenberg. I think most of us here are expressing our truth and that is vulnerable and scary. I appreciate the accolades and acknowledge that I could polish things up but in doing so I may lose the beauty that exists in the raw emotion of what I write. And, again, I appreciate your awesomeness! more »

    LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    Symmetry60

    "If I heal, will I lose my poetry." - Some brilliant chick I know. ;-)

    LikeReply 13 months ago
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  alanswansea18

  This is one beautiful poem. Great job.

  LikeReply3 months ago
  • 

    Kaytee

    Thanks so much!

    LikeReply3 months ago
  • 

    alanswansea18

    us little guys have to stick together.

    LikeReply 13 months ago
  • 

    Kaytee

    Absolutely!

    LikeReply3 months ago
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  luisestable1

  First, you wrote, "... a line a poetry." This is a bit confusing. I think It should read, " A line of poetry," so it can make sense. Another thing: these lines do not share harmony or union of context. The argument contradicts itself in several places making the poem not clear in what it is trying to say or convey. Many lines can be better for poetic clarification of diction and meaning.
  I could say more, but it would take a lot of space. more »

  LikeReply3 months ago
  • 

    Kaytee

    thanks for catching that typo. I’ll change that line.

    LikeReply 13 months ago