The Tempest



I tried to save you but nearly drowned
The waves of your past crashed into me
Pulling me into rip tides of your suffering
With shipwrecks full of ghosts wanting company

I became one of the specters for awhile
Disappearing from my life and haunting yours
Forgetting I belonged to a world
Outside of the tempest

The eye of storm feels deceivingly safe
But the winds are stronger on the other side
And escaping their wrath is nearly impossible
You abandoned me after the hurricane

The stars tried to console me with the map to freedom
But I refused to look up
And focused on the wreckage
Thinking I was stranded in the middle of the ocean

I heard the mermaids sing
Their serenade resurrecting memories  
That isolation and freedom live in the same realm
Maybe your were setting me free

After desperately treading water
I realized that I could swim
And I was closer to the shore than I realized
All I had to do was walk away from the storm

About this poem

Figuring it all out and learning from mistakes

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Written on July 07, 2023

Submitted by Kaytee on July 07, 2023

55 sec read
287

Quick analysis:

Scheme XABA XXXX XXXX XXXX BXXA XXXX
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 947
Words 185
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Kaytee

New poet working on regaining myself more…

All Kaytee poems | Kaytee Books

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Discuss the poem The Tempest with the community...

12 Comments
  • Prisma
    This great poem reminds me of what Seneca once said: "not all tempesta come to destroy you, some come to clear your path". I'm paraphrasing but I believe I'm close to the original wording. Well done! 
    LikeReply7 months ago
    • Kaytee
      thanks for your feedback. This was one that most definitely cleared the path.
      LikeReply 17 months ago
  • Charles2
    Love it! The quirky little quips are bonus to the self realization of being lost inside your thinking/as just another view of self-imposed exile with the ability not to continue to be subjected to
    LikeReply 18 months ago
    • Kaytee
      thanks for the feedback, yes, everything changes when we change our perspective and do a little self reflection.
      LikeReply7 months ago
  • AIDA
    Your poem beautifully captures the tumultuous journey within a storm, playing with potent emotions and encapsulating the reader within the persona's turmoil. The expressive imagery really stands out! It feels like an intensely personal journey of self-discovery and healing. There's something very compelling about the way you guide the reader through this journey with you.

    Here are a few feedback points for improvement:

    1. Be cautious of maintaining consistent metaphors throughout. The poem starts with very strong aquatic imagery that carries on until the end. However, the inclusion of stars attempting to offer consolation somewhat breaks this coherence. Perhaps using something related to sea navigation might fit better, like a lighthouse guiding the way?

    2. Getting into specifics can help to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of saying "The waves of your past," it might be more powerful to express particular events, feelings or memories that these waves represent.

    3. Pay attention to rhythm and cadence. Some verses might benefit from a little tweaking to maintain a consistent rhythm, ensuring a smoother read.

    4. Work a little more on the ending. The abrupt resolution in the last line contradicts the journey nicely, but it might be more satisfying to see a bit more of the struggle, which could potentially add to the narrative payoff.

    Overall, this is a lovely, evocative piece. Keep writing, and continue to imbue your work with this level of emotion and braveness, because it's wonderful to read!
     
    LikeReply9 months ago
  • Symmetry60
    Came back to re-read this awesome piece and noticed a discrepancy.

    I heard the mermaids sing
    Their serenade resurrecting memories
    That isolation and freedom live in the same realm
    Maybe your were setting me free 
    LikeReply9 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Thanks for catching that. You’re hired as my new proofreader. My need for praise outweighs my need for perfection. I’ll keep the mistake for now since editing deletes all the comments.
      LikeReply 19 months ago
  • lovingempath
    You always manage to gather the strands that might weave a beautiful tapestry of poetry Kaytee. I'm not quite sure how I missed this piece of yours; but the 'V' and the 'T' put me back on scent. This is absolutely beautiful! 
    LikeReply 19 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback. I'm just discovering "V" and loving his work. And of course "T" is always a source of inspiration.
      LikeReply 19 months ago
  • Vixility
    Some of the best free verse poetry came out of the short-lived Imagist movement of the early 20th century. Poets like Hilda Doolittle and Amy Lowell are unmatched in literary talent by today's standards. This phenomenal work of yours, "The Tempest", easily reflects the talent of that generation of poets!

    When Ezra Pound, who was one of the pioneers of this movement, was translating works into English (works whose rhyme schemes and rhythmic patterns were impossible to translate over), he found that he was forced to choose with precision the most vivid and appropriate words at his disposal in order to preserve the heart and meaning of the original work's narrative.

    That is exactly what you've done here with this most impressive poem of yours: selecting stunningly graphic imagery and cross metaphors to express your poem's intense mood and using "absolutely no word that does not contribute" (Pound) to its narrative. Thank you! This is what a solid, well thought out free verse poem should look like. "The Tempest" is not only a fantastic piece, it is a breath of fresh air and one that I will continually come back to and share with my friends.
     
    LikeReply 29 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Wow, that is high praise. I am humbled by being compared to such greats. l will certainly revisit some of their works. Ezra Pound seems to pop up frequently on this page and I always enjoy his work. I am just starting out and trying to find my voice. It feels a little chaotic right now but it is getting there. I appreciate your feedback. I'm so happy I just discovered your poetry as well. Amazing work! I look forward to reading more. 
      LikeReply 19 months ago
  • TortillasAreNotBiceps
    I became one of the specters for awhile
    Disappearing from my life and haunting yours
    Forgetting I belonged to a world
    Outside of the tempest

    WoWoWoWoW.
    LikeReply 110 months ago
  • TortillasAreNotBiceps
    I tried to save you but nearly drowned
    The waves of your past crashed into me
    Pulling me into rip tides of your suffering
    With shipwrecks full of ghosts wanting company

    D-A-M-N this is good.
    LikeReply 110 months ago
  • TortillasAreNotBiceps
    What I find interesting is, and this pertains to everyone, is do these other people really have this power over us or is it we who contrive these sentiments and feelings who do it/for ourselves? When we think about it, every emotion, anxiety, depressive feeling, etc is procured and secured within the confine of our own thoughts. It's funny how external triggers can initiate these thoughts within us. This piece is one of the best pieces I've ever read.

    The stars tried to console me with the map to freedom
    But I refused to look up
    And focused on the wreckage
    Thinking I was stranded in the middle of the ocean -- Perfection.
     
    LikeReply10 months ago
    • Kaytee
      "
      do these other people really have this power over us or is it we who contrive these sentiments and feelings who do it/for ourselves?" That is definitely the important question here. Other people's feelings/thoughts have power over us if we allow it. For me it's learning that it is not my responsibility to "fix" anyone which is tricky since I had a that role as a child in my family to keep the peace. In other relationships I still slip up and think it's my responsibility. It is not! I'm learning to walk away and not get caught in the drama. Thanks so much for your feedback and nice words. I thought this one might be too cheesy to post with all the ocean references but I ran by a close friend before I posted and she approved. 
      LikeReply10 months ago
  • JoeStrickland
    Fantastic
    LikeReply10 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Thanks so much!
      LikeReply10 months ago
  • charlesedwardyork
    Very descriptive poem. Aside from the metaphors I almost felt like I had hopped aboard a sinking ship.
    LikeReply10 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Thanks for your feedback! Much appreciated.
      LikeReply10 months ago
  • lorna_l
    Where do I walk to? Putting one foot in front of the other and abandoning you seems heartless. We can both be saved.
    LikeReply10 months ago
    • Kaytee
      I like that thought. Maybe I should add something to the ending. Thanks for your feedback!
      LikeReply10 months ago

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"The Tempest" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 24 May 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/163407/the-tempest>.

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Lewis Carroll wrote: "You are old father William, the young man said..."
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