The Tempest

Discuss the poem The Tempest with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/163407/the-tempest

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  Prisma

  This great poem reminds me of what Seneca once said: "not all tempesta come to destroy you, some come to clear your path". I'm paraphrasing but I believe I'm close to the original wording. Well done! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago
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    Kaytee

    thanks for your feedback. This was one that most definitely cleared the path.

    LikeReply 16 months ago
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  Charles2

  Love it! The quirky little quips are bonus to the self realization of being lost inside your thinking/as just another view of self-imposed exile with the ability not to continue to be subjected to

  LikeReply 17 months ago
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    Kaytee

    thanks for the feedback, yes, everything changes when we change our perspective and do a little self reflection.

    LikeReply7 months ago
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  AIDA

  Your poem beautifully captures the tumultuous journey within a storm, playing with potent emotions and encapsulating the reader within the persona's turmoil. The expressive imagery really stands out! It feels like an intensely personal journey of self-discovery and healing. There's something very compelling about the way you guide the reader through this journey with you.
  
  Here are a few feedback points for improvement:
  
  1. Be cautious of maintaining consistent metaphors throughout. The poem starts with very strong aquatic imagery that carries on until the end. However, the inclusion of stars attempting to offer consolation somewhat breaks this coherence. Perhaps using something related to sea navigation might fit better, like a lighthouse guiding the way?
  
  2. Getting into specifics can help to deepen the emotional impact. For instance, instead of saying "The waves of your past," it might be more powerful to express particular events, feelings or memories that these waves represent.
  
  3. Pay attention to rhythm and cadence. Some verses might benefit from a little tweaking to maintain a consistent rhythm, ensuring a smoother read.
  
  4. Work a little more on the ending. The abrupt resolution in the last line contradicts the journey nicely, but it might be more satisfying to see a bit more of the struggle, which could potentially add to the narrative payoff.
  
  Overall, this is a lovely, evocative piece. Keep writing, and continue to imbue your work with this level of emotion and braveness, because it's wonderful to read! more »

  LikeReply8 months ago
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  Symmetry60

  Came back to re-read this awesome piece and noticed a discrepancy.
  
  I heard the mermaids sing
  Their serenade resurrecting memories
  That isolation and freedom live in the same realm
  Maybe your were setting me free more »

  LikeReply8 months ago
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    Kaytee

    Thanks for catching that. You’re hired as my new proofreader. My need for praise outweighs my need for perfection. I’ll keep the mistake for now since editing deletes all the comments.

    LikeReply 18 months ago
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  lovingempath

  You always manage to gather the strands that might weave a beautiful tapestry of poetry Kaytee. I'm not quite sure how I missed this piece of yours; but the 'V' and the 'T' put me back on scent. This is absolutely beautiful! more »

  LikeReply 19 months ago
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    Kaytee

    Thank you so much! I appreciate your feedback. I'm just discovering "V" and loving his work. And of course "T" is always a source of inspiration.

    LikeReply 19 months ago
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  Vixility

  Some of the best free verse poetry came out of the short-lived Imagist movement of the early 20th century. Poets like Hilda Doolittle and Amy Lowell are unmatched in literary talent by today's standards. This phenomenal work of yours, "The Tempest", easily reflects the talent of that generation of poets!
  
  When Ezra Pound, who was one of the pioneers of this movement, was translating works into English (works whose rhyme schemes and rhythmic patterns were impossible to translate over), he found that he was forced to choose with precision the most vivid and appropriate words at his disposal in order to preserve the heart and meaning of the original work's narrative.
  
  That is exactly what you've done here with this most impressive poem of yours: selecting stunningly graphic imagery and cross metaphors to express your poem's intense mood and using "absolutely no word that does not contribute" (Pound) to its narrative. Thank you! This is what a solid, well thought out free verse poem should look like. "The Tempest" is not only a fantastic piece, it is a breath of fresh air and one that I will continually come back to and share with my friends. more »

  LikeReply 29 months ago
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    Kaytee

    Wow, that is high praise. I am humbled by being compared to such greats. l will certainly revisit some of their works. Ezra Pound seems to pop up frequently on this page and I always enjoy his work. I am just starting out and trying to find my voice. It feels a little chaotic right now but it is getting there. I appreciate your feedback. I'm so happy I just discovered your poetry as well. Amazing work! I look forward to reading more. more »

    LikeReply 19 months ago
• 

  TortillasAreNotBiceps

  I became one of the specters for awhile
  Disappearing from my life and haunting yours
  Forgetting I belonged to a world
  Outside of the tempest
  
  WoWoWoWoW.

  LikeReply 19 months ago
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  TortillasAreNotBiceps

  I tried to save you but nearly drowned
  The waves of your past crashed into me
  Pulling me into rip tides of your suffering
  With shipwrecks full of ghosts wanting company
  
  D-A-M-N this is good.

  LikeReply 19 months ago
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  TortillasAreNotBiceps

  What I find interesting is, and this pertains to everyone, is do these other people really have this power over us or is it we who contrive these sentiments and feelings who do it/for ourselves? When we think about it, every emotion, anxiety, depressive feeling, etc is procured and secured within the confine of our own thoughts. It's funny how external triggers can initiate these thoughts within us. This piece is one of the best pieces I've ever read.
  
  The stars tried to console me with the map to freedom
  But I refused to look up
  And focused on the wreckage
  Thinking I was stranded in the middle of the ocean -- Perfection. more »

  LikeReply9 months ago
  • 

    Kaytee

    "
    do these other people really have this power over us or is it we who contrive these sentiments and feelings who do it/for ourselves?" That is definitely the important question here. Other people's feelings/thoughts have power over us if we allow it. For me it's learning that it is not my responsibility to "fix" anyone which is tricky since I had a that role as a child in my family to keep the peace. In other relationships I still slip up and think it's my responsibility. It is not! I'm learning to walk away and not get caught in the drama. Thanks so much for your feedback and nice words. I thought this one might be too cheesy to post with all the ocean references but I ran by a close friend before I posted and she approved. more »

    LikeReply9 months ago
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  JoeStrickland

  Fantastic

  LikeReply9 months ago
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    Kaytee

    Thanks so much!

    LikeReply9 months ago
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  charlesedwardyork

  Very descriptive poem. Aside from the metaphors I almost felt like I had hopped aboard a sinking ship.

  LikeReply9 months ago
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    Kaytee

    Thanks for your feedback! Much appreciated.

    LikeReply9 months ago
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  lorna_l

  Where do I walk to? Putting one foot in front of the other and abandoning you seems heartless. We can both be saved.

  LikeReply9 months ago
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    Kaytee

    I like that thought. Maybe I should add something to the ending. Thanks for your feedback!

    LikeReply9 months ago