I Can No Longer Stand in the Sun



I can no longer stand in the Sun
It is too bright and revealing
I need to walk in the shadow of moonlight
There I can reveal my untainted parts
And hide the decay of regrettable choices

Some say at the end of life we regret the things we did not do
What about the injuries we incur to ourselves and others?
The things confessed in gilded cubicles
That the priest cannot absolve with a few Hail Marys and Our Fathers

Could a man ever hear my secrets and say I am forgiven?
Surely not the man who told me God punished me with a miscarriage for taking birth control in my youth
I think not, I never believed that even as it was indoctrinated as child
I always questioned not going to the Source
But who is the Source now?
God, Goddess I do not know
I make pleas to both in hopes of healing my trespasses

Maybe we need to keep the broken pieces of our soul
To remember not to return to those transgressions
We can return to the healing moon who softens the edges
And conceals the scars in silvery shadows that glow in the starlight

I can no longer stand in the Sun

About this poem

Ruminating on regrets

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Written on May 23, 2023

Submitted by Kaytee on May 23, 2023

Modified by Kaytee on May 25, 2023

1:04 min read
76

Quick analysis:

Scheme Axbcd xexe axxxxxc xxdb A
Closest metre Iambic heptameter
Characters 1,065
Words 216
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 5, 4, 7, 4, 1

Kaytee

New poet working on regaining myself more…

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2 Comments
  • TortillasAreNotBiceps
    "Could a man ever hear my secrets and say I am forgiven?" - Could you ever hear your secrets and say you are forgiven? No man's forgiveness can unseat your own unwillingness to forgive yourself.
    LikeReply11 months ago
  • TortillasAreNotBiceps
    Hard swallow. How beautiful and touching this is, K. I wonder if the devil is the untapped part of us that we often refuse to reach for when love requires us to forgive ourselves. Perhaps there is an invocation required of us as a means of tapping into the God in us as we learn to forgive ourselves. Therein lay the true God who oversees what we often fail to overcome as we slowly learn to love ourselves enough to forgive ourselves. God, after all, doesn't invoke us, rather it is we who must invoke God through a necessity of love and free will. We may not be able to stand in the sun, but the Son, so it is written, will always stand with us. 
    LikeReply11 months ago
    • Kaytee
      ooh, that is so deep. I do think that it is love for ourselves that does help us forgive even those shadowy parts of ourselves. Sometimes we do need to invoke a higher power to get us to that love and forgiveness. It's a work in progress. I learned many years that forgiveness for ourselves or anybody else doesn't always come in all or nothing (complete forgiveness versus self loathing) instead it can be on a continuum. If I forgive 80% I can work on reaching 85% then 90%, etc. I think it is unhealthy and just bypassing and stuffing things if I just say yep I forgive I'm done. Sometimes it takes a little work and we acknowledge the 90% love and forgiveness and pledge to work on the other 10%. 
      LikeReply 111 months ago
    • TortillasAreNotBiceps
      Perhaps this is why life is indeed a journey and not an overnight express. We step closer to God and his wisdom as we slowly evolve into the masterpieces he has created us to be. Where would our strength come from, after all, if we went to bed broken only to arise perfected in a day? We stay the course and reach for the broken bits of ourselves that stray from the righteous path so as to gather them up that we might be able to resurrect our innocence and true nature. It seems we are born into perfect innocence only to lose pieces of ourselves as our egos develop and our esteems dwindle. Once the lessons are learned, we gather ourselves back up slowly over time and hopefully make our transitions to the next life as close to who our maker created us to be as humanly possible. All theory of course, but fun to consider. ;-) 
      LikeReply 111 months ago
    • Kaytee
      well here's to picking up all those jagged pieces and becoming whole again!
      LikeReply11 months ago

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"I Can No Longer Stand in the Sun" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 18 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/159991/i-can-no-longer-stand-in-the-sun>.

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