Pantoum on Loss



In the darkness of loss I am undone
You remind me of trees with silver moss
Swaying in the breezes of the marsh
Your poetry echoes in my ears

You remind me of trees with silver moss
Memories of you take away my breath
Your poetry echoes in my ears
You were a lesson for my heart

Memories of you take away my breath
Bitter sweet remembering
You were a lesson for my heart
Red flags flashing before my eyes

Bitter sweet remembering
Sessions on listening to my voice
Red flags flashing before my eyes
Love is not meant to scar

Sessions on listening to my voice
In the darkness of loss I am undone
Red flags flashing before my eyes
Your poetry still echoes in my ears

About this poem

I am taking a class on playing with poetic forms so this is my first attempt at a pantoum.

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Written on July 23, 2023

Submitted by Kaytee on July 23, 2023

40 sec read
196

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABxC BDCE DFEG FHGx HAGc
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 670
Words 135
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Kaytee

New poet working on regaining myself more…

All Kaytee poems | Kaytee Books

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Discuss the poem Pantoum on Loss with the community...

4 Comments
  • JokerGem
    Kaytee So happy to give you a push! Sometimes that’s all we need to start creating again after a lull. I’ll be watching for your new pantoum....

    Indeed, I also found Bishop’s work sensational and had a feeling it would appeal to you --it’s kind of a pity this site has so few of her poems featured. 
    LikeReply 14 months ago
  • JokerGem
    Sorry I’m only now getting around to reading some of your stuff but l found this one very nifty....you definitely possess a more lyrical style. This one reminded me of a sestina poem (the rigidity almost forces you into a circular pattern of language) but it can be transformative the poetry that can result. --I invite you to check out the poem, A Miracle for Breakfast by Elizabeth Bishop, l think you will enjoy it! 
    LikeReply4 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Thanks so much for your kind words. You’ve inspired me to write another pantoum. I was stuck on a poem and that’s the push it needed. Thanks so much for recommending the Elizabeth Bishop poem. It’s amazing! 
      LikeReply4 months ago
  • Vixility
    I've said it before elsewhere, but one of the things I appreciate about your poetry is the hard work and effort you put into it. The complexity of poems such as "Pantoum on Loss" are no easy task to breeze by. Poems like this take talent. 
    LikeReply11 months ago
    • Kaytee
      thanks so much! This was my first attempt at this style and it was so much fun to play with the lines. I see more Pantoums in my future.
      LikeReply11 months ago
  • Symmetry60
    This is like a juggling act moving lines from and about. I see second lines heading subsequent stanzas and an array of other neatly recycled moves. We have some third lines moving into fourth positions as well. Pantoum, huh? Looks too complex for my peanut-sized brain. Why you gotta be so smart for? This is a pretty damn good first attempt, girlfriend. I always look forward to your work, K. 
    LikeReply11 months ago
    • Kaytee
      You've got it! You write the first stanza then the 2nd and 4th lines become the 1st and 3rd for the next stanza. You write two new lines for the 2nd and 4th lines and they become the 1st and 3rd for the next stanza. I mixed it up by bringing back the two lines from the first stanza but it seemed to work. I always appreciate your feedback. I saw a poem of yours flash onto my email then disappear. I can't wait to see the final outcome. I know you are likely tweaking it or submitting it for the contest. 
      LikeReply 111 months ago
    • Symmetry60
      Yes, I entered that poem in this month's contest. I can't wait for it to be overlooked and underappreciated by fellow contestants. That's always a blast. If it's not "Roses are red, violets are blue," then it hasn't a prayer. ;-P

      Hoping all is well where you are.
       
      LikeReply11 months ago
    • Kaytee
      Best of luck my friend. Should I curse them with the fleas of a thousand camels if you don't win? Roses are red, violets are blue, vote for Steve or I'll curse you!
      LikeReply 111 months ago
    • Symmetry60
      Why don't we start light. Curse them with, let's say, oh, I dunno, 27 fleas from a meerkat and a tick from the testicle of a baby racoon. If that doesn't work, you hold em and I'll hit em. 
      LikeReply11 months ago
    • Kaytee
      haha, it's plan :)
      LikeReply11 months ago

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"Pantoum on Loss" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 Jul 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/164971/pantoum-on-loss>.

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