Help Me Yahuah

I read the scriptures everyday even if I don't show it
I start my day in a daily verse and end it in prayer before my eyes closes
I try to keep my community culture again from beginning to end
But I feel so convicted by all of my sins
My demons steady digging through my skin
They're eating my soul like a thriller
My life unfolded & been cold ever since
Send me a savior becuse this life makes no sense
And my regrettes overwhelm me my guilt is tense
Sometimes I question Yahuah because my life been hell bent
Saw my little sister covered in blood,
Yahuah I need answers no offense
Frozen and heartless
That's why I don't do friends
I still wish I could've saved her
I'm beyond ashamed that I couldn't be there for her
Angel Woodland feel like I betrayed her
Because I told her I wasn't a traitor
Had plans taking trips with you now your up there with the creator
I still question Yahuah about why he couldn't take you a little later
But regardless of everything that's happened and been done
I know that Yahuahs grace is greater
He forgives me and he never forgets
His love for me doesn't waver
Suicide was my vice
Never cared how I left here
Ashes scattered across the sand with no plans to come back later
So don't try to stop me I'll see you later
Edgar Brinson till this day I still hate him
He beat me around like a football player
I walk around trapped by the words of my haters
I'm bitter and it shows
Broken and brittle to the bones
I weep in the cold
I sleep there alone
I don't want people to hear me crying so I turn off my phone
I feel like dying I feel so low
Even in the summer season I feel frozen like I'm buried in snow
My psychiatrist tries to help me but can't
My therapist told me that I need more sessions but I don't
My family wants me to admit myself
I know Yahuah is the answer
I just don't know how to admit myself
I used to be strong
Yeah I miss my health
I'm bipolar and my guilt made it worse
Many say I'm a gift but I feel like I'm cursed
I can't take it anymore
I'm just laying here shaking on my bedroom floor
Suicide, dead inside I don't know what to do anymore
Cutting to relieve so I go back for more
They say self harm is a sin
Sins that cause horror
I get so mad at myself that I shout and I sware
I wasn't made for this
Yahuah I know you made me for more
Help me Yahuah cause I need you now
I feel so down I'm going to drown
I was lost and found
and then lost again
Anxiety and depression made me push away my family and friends
And it always leaves me empty in the end
But if you think that my story ends here then you're mistaken again
I refuse to stay in this depression and let Satan win
Yahuah pick me up and lift me to a whole better level
I know Yahuah is real because I've danced with the devil
Even though he's harassing me right now
Haunting my thoughts while passing me around
I know I need help but I don't know how
So I repeat these words that I'm writing Now: Yahuah help me
Forgive me for my sins
He change my life when I said this to him
And I'm not saying that all of my bad days went away
But I'm saying that I see the greatness through the pain
Self harm numbs me but Yahuah broke my chains
My mind is a powerful thing and my life isn't a game
So when I surrenderd to my suffering everything changed
I'm still fighting but it's not the same
Yahuahs giving me peace so you can keep the shame
People know me by my symptoms
Yahuah knows me by my name