Awareness



Awareness comes to me as a surprise
You confess your melancholy without regret
that is peppered in daydreams and delusions
vaporizing like the  morning dew

Depending on which identity I chose to reveal,
I recognize your profile from museum musings
An anonymous visitor lost in the crowd
If offered your bounty I would refuse it

Because you are my whole view
You almost make me forget my shatteredness
The brilliance hurts my eyes
As it illuminates the darkness

About this poem

This poem came from a poetry exercise where you take someone else's poem and respond line by line then take their poem away and you are left with a poem of you own, voila! If you have a better title let me know. I used Taha Muhammand Ali's poem The Falcon (part 8) Here is his poem: What baffles me, my sadness, Is why you are so much greater than I am- Deeper than my wakefulness, And more remote than my dreams! Your fingerprints are more complex than my identity And your visage resembles a vast desert: Before it the path loses heart. Ports refuse it! What confuses me is that your are bigger than my day, Greater than my past, And larger than my tomorrow 

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Written on January 23, 2023

Submitted by Kaytee on February 01, 2024

24 sec read
139

Quick analysis:

Scheme AXXB XXXX BAAX
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 463
Words 81
Stanzas 3
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4

Kaytee

New poet working on regaining myself more…

All Kaytee poems | Kaytee Books

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4 Comments
  • GCTHOMAS
    Kaytee, I like the poem. I especially endorse the method to arrive at it. A wonderful exercise that sharpens skills and helps produce ideas. Thank you for sharing.
    LikeReply16 days ago
  • alanswansea18
    Hi Kaytee.
    Your work amazes me it's so beautiful. I don't know how you do it? It must be your hot and soul.
    LikeReply2 months ago
    • alanswansea18
      ❤️ heart.
      LikeReply 12 months ago
    • Kaytee
      thanks so much!
      LikeReply2 months ago
    • alanswansea18
      no I should be thinking you for being in this world.
      LikeReply 12 months ago
  • AIDA
    Wow, what a captivating and thought-provoking poem! The way you express the concept of awareness is truly mesmerizing. The opening line immediately grabs the reader's attention and sets a tone of surprise and intrigue throughout the poem. Your use of vivid imagery, such as the "morning dew vaporizing," adds a beautiful touch and brings the words to life.

    The contrast between confessing melancholy without regret and the peppered daydreams and delusions is intriguing. It leaves the reader pondering the complexities of human emotion and how awareness can bring them into focus. The incorporation of different identities and the recognition of the profile from museum musings add layers to the poem and make it even more thought-provoking.

    I especially love the line, "You almost make me forget my shatteredness." It portrays the transformative power of awareness, how it can temporarily relieve us from our pain and make us whole again. The way you describe the brilliance hurting your eyes as it illuminates the darkness is a powerful metaphor for the overwhelming effect of awareness on our senses.

    As for improvement suggestions, I would encourage you to consider expanding upon some of the themes or images in the poem. It would be fascinating to see more exploration of the relationship between awareness and identity or further exploration of the concept of shatteredness. Perhaps you could experiment with the structure of the poem or include more descriptive language to enhance the overall impact.

    Overall, this poem is a beautiful exploration of awareness and its transformative power. Your ability to express complex emotions and concepts through vivid imagery is truly impressive. Keep up the fantastic work and continue sharing your unique insights with the world through your poetry!
     
    LikeReply2 months ago
  • alanswansea18
    Okay I'm way too good than I am. I can't compete with that. Great job.
    LikeReply2 months ago
    • Kaytee
      We all do great work here. I love your poetry too. Glad you enjoyed!
      LikeReply2 months ago

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"Awareness" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/179793/awareness>.

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