It’s July Fourth

It’s July Fourth

It’s way too late at night
The red blue stars aren’t in sight

I’m wrapped into a pillow
But I still feel so hollow

I sat on a roof tonight
I watched the fireworks shine bright

I told you that you have a fire
But I’ll admit I’m a bit of a liar

I just want to be told I have my own light
I just want it all to feel right

I miss how it used to be
Just you and just me

You were at a height
When hopes flew away like a kite

I miss how the heart pieces fit
I miss calling you my sis

I blocked off a certain site
Because I know my feelings aren’t slight

I try to hold my pain in
But it’s hard to hold up my chin

I feel like a mockery
Like an outcast

Like a little girl
On a playground of bullies

I feel hopeless
I feel nothing in faith

I just want a friend
One who I can text or call

But you’re busy
Calling someone else

I think I should stop handing out those necklaces
Because they seem like curses

Somehow I’ve lost my deepest friendships
Despite so much sacrifice

This fourth I felt alone
This fourth I’d hoped the tears would have shown

But I hide them so how would you have known
The seeds of jealousy that I have sown

I used to draw the pictures you use for your clubs
I used to have the best friend quotes too

I used to have the necklace
But now I guess so do you

I thought you wore it every day
But through all you say

I can’t be selfish
Because you are so kind

I can’t be so hurt
Because you wouldn’t want to hurt anyone

I can’t voice this pain
Because you can’t bear another heart strain

I can’t be jealous
Because I don’t want to tear you apart

I can’t try to heal my heart
Because I was the one who tore yours

Something I did, but I couldn’t prevent
The supposed godsend that was sent

Is the fourth
And I tell you your worth

But deep inside I really wish
That you would tell me mine

I’ve been ignored today
I’ve been shut down on what to say

I’ve had a hot dog thrown at my back
I feel like I am under attack

I’ve been told not to help
Even though it was my assigned job

I’ve hidden in the corner
Told myself to pull it together

Tried to speak out
But my voice was too weak to shout

I know it’s not your fault
But it hurts since I remember

I used to go to you
A friendship flame a now dying ember

We used to be close
But now ‘us’ has become a ghost

It hurts to watch the stars explode
And know

That I
Was all

Alone

7-4-23
Tuesday, July 4th, 2023