The Land of Mist

MJM Wagner

June 23

I once forsook the sun and moon, and sought the land of mist,
Enchanted twice by Hermes’ boon, and by the naiads kissed.
Across the opalescent sea, and o’re those mountains high,
Where dreamers dare not wander free, and Elohim won’t fly,
I found the land of visions fair, and promises unkept,
And weary to my soul with care, I lay me down and slept.

I dreamed a palace, marble white, all laced with veins of gold,
And all were awe struck at the sight, and at the tales told.
And when I woke, I raised my head, I saw a grassy mound,
The mist drew back and shadows fled, and there the palace found.
How fairer still, reality, than misty half-formed dreams,
How wondrous would the future be, would Hod be what it seems.

But when I climbed the emerald rise, to reach the palace height,
The mist closed in before my eyes, and veiled it from my sight.
How e’re I sought I could not find the fleeting vision’s stone,
And so I left the dream behind, and wandered on alone.
No comp’ny in that land of dreams, no living thing bestirred,
No birdsong sweet, or chuckling streams, and never voices heard.

I saw a city from afar, alive with light and sound,
Where wondrous sculpted fountains are, on every corner found,
A mountain washed by melting snow, a life-tree in the rain,
A fall with dancing flames aglow, a pool with swan and crane.
But when the city gates I sought, the mist again closed in,
A veil of loss and blindness wrought, across what might have been.

So every vision, every dream, beheld in colors bright,
Or glimpsed by golden lantern’s gleam, in misty still twilight,
Betrayed the hopes inspired so, and future passion slew.
And so I turned my back to go, back to the world I knew,
Where joyful wonder’s rarely moved, and beauty’s ever flawed,
Yet with a touch existence proved, unlike the sights of Hod.

But sun and moon are lost to sight, in swirling mists they hide,
No stars bedeck the peaceful night, a traveler for to guide.
No north or south, no east or west, no hope to find my way,
And in this lonely search no rest, no peace by night or day,
For somethings darkling lurk unseen, within the mists they hide,
They seek the dreamer’s subtle sheen, and will no light abide.

No longer do the visions stir, I do not pay them mind,
There’s horror where the wonders were, and nightmares come in kind.
No more I tarry pondering, but ever onward flee,
No more the aimless wandering, with lamp or lantern free,
For shadows rule the mists of Hod, and have no love of men,
And I shall ne’er endure their god, nor see my home again.

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Submitted by michaelw.64270 on June 01, 2023

: 2:35 min read
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Quick analysis:

Scheme	AABBAX CCDDEE FFGGAX DDHHII FFJJXA KKLLKK MMNNOO
Closest metre	Iambic heptameter
Characters	2,567
Words	519
Stanzas	7
Stanza Lengths	6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6, 6

Full analysis for The Land of Mist »

MJM Wagner

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8 Comments

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makhdoomafuad
ok, this is MASTERFUL poetry!
LikeReply7 months ago
Laurelmlee
Beautiful!
LikeReply8 months ago
Slick222
Looks like it's over 75 lines, not sure how this could qualify. Awesome poem.
LikeReply9 months ago
- acronimous
  Count again...
  LikeReply9 months ago
TortillasAreNotBiceps
I also voted for this poem for obvious "It's amazing" reasons. Congrats, my friend. Well earned.
LikeReply 19 months ago
Vixility
The Land of Mist ... I really enjoyed this poem. What initially drew me to it, what caught my attention, was the poet's use of language to convey his/her story, and the curious rhythmic pattern used to deliver it.

By 'curious rhythmic pattern' I mean the internal (mid-sentence) rhymes coupled with the end rhymes of each stanza. Each line throughout the entire poem consists of 14 syllables each! Wow. And you know the poet meant this because he/she employed several syncope (o're, comp'ny, ne're) in order to preserve the poem's meter. The poet couldn't have been modeling this poem off of a heptameter, because there are eight syllables (tetrameter) in each line before the first comma (or internal rhyme), and then six syllables (trimeter) thereafter: heptameters have 14 syllables but doesn't follow this pattern.

I bring all this up because it shows how hard the poet worked on the structure of this poem (and AI's don't do that, if you know what I mean). Indeed, if the poet wanted to convert the stanza structure of the entire poem it could easily mimic a ballad:

I once forsook the sun and moon,
And sought the land of mist,
Enchanted twice by Hermes' boon,
And by the naiads kissed.

It's beautiful if you think about it.

Also, I loved the story: an almost cautionary tale that warns us against being lured away by illusions and/or false promises. I thought it would be a fairytale ending, far from it (another testimony more »
LikeReply 19 months ago
- Vixility
  … looks like the last part of my comment was cut off. What was meant to be said there was ‘another testimony of the poet’s authenticity with storytelling.’
  LikeReply 29 months ago
npirandy
It's not easy composing double-rhyme poems. I'm not even sure if that's the way to describe it. All I know is that I was intrigued by this work, thus giving it my vote.
LikeReply 19 months ago
lovingempath
This poet used a masterful blend of mythological visuals that left me feeling as though I had been wrapped in a crystal cocoon woven by Merlin himself. And the connection between fable and present times is stunning. It was a toss-up between this poem and a similar one. My best guess would be that they were both written by the same poet. I would be very surprised if they weren't. Thank-you and good luck! more »
LikeReply 19 months ago
- Vixility
  I couldn’t agree more, Robin. Well deserved win …
  LikeReply 19 months ago
m2ren
Here's a detailed analysis/critique.
The poem "The Land of Mist" reminds me quite a bit of romantic era poetry, for its lush and vibrant imagery, and its allusions to classical greek/roman mythological figures. I definitely think thematically, the idea of being betrayed by an ideal and to subsequently turn your back upon it is subtle, yet not completely obscure, and is one of the highlights of the poem, at least-this is my interpretation.
I would say, in terms of poetic style and elegance this is indeed the best poem out of the bunch, in that your employment of imagistic descriptions are masterful, and there is an airy atmosphere of beauty that surrounds your poem.
Now, as for the critique(and I would like to iterate this is an objective critique, not meant to tear down your poem), one piece of feedback I would give is that the poem feels superficial, in the sense that it lacks a "metaphorical" imagination, in that in my poems(the few that I have wrote) I prefer to make nonobvious connections between objects that are thought to be disparate, but that's potentially a matter of preference. I think another suggestion for future improvements is thinking how to experiment with changes in different types of tone, (note I'm not saying you did not do this), but it is definitely something you could utilize more for dramatic effect, or at the very least keep the reader engaged and their gears turning in their head. That's all I have, overall bri more »
LikeReply9 months ago

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"The Land of Mist" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/163960/the-land-of-mist>.

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