Concrete And Steel...

It's hard to understand how the pain inside can be so intense,
You think of how I used to live my life - I had no sense.
I was arrested today in a California desert through much strife,
You see - I had been on the run from an out of control life.
I can't even express to you just exactly where it all went wrong,
But right now setting in this empty cell - is like a heart broken song.
I've been looking around this room - just thinking can this be real,
I was once surrounded by people who loved me - but now it's concrete and steel.
I keep setting here shaking on the floor - but yet I'm not even cold,
All of the pain pills are now leaving my system - making me feel tired and old.
I can remember so long ago now that I was concerned about taking them at all,
I had seen many people trust them for the pain - and I had seen them fall.
I was only taking them as the pain doctor had prescribed them to me,
I trusted the pain management doctor because I was to blind to see.
Odd, you go to a pain management doctor and trust them with your life,
Yet now - because I had listened to their instructions - I have lost Janet - my wife.
Everything I once held so dear to my heart is all a foggy memory now,
All I can feel is pain and loss - oh how I wish I could fix this somehow.
The cell I'm now in is a medical wing of sorts - with strangers all around,
Yet real care and compassion for human life is no where to be found.
Sure they clothe you - feed you - yet it's all done with such distance,
Their hearts are simply not in it - their like robots with no feelings for instance.
They pop in from time to time - mainly to see that you're still here,
With all of the concrete, steel, and razor wire - how could one leave is not clear.
One second I'm burning up with fever - the next I'm trembling and shaking from the inner cold,
This is so taxing upon my system itself - yet an instant cure can't be sold.
Every centimeter of my existence is hurting from the pain,
Yet I feel I must push myself through this - if I ever hope to gain.
As the days slowly pass by - the trembling is going away more,
My mind and thoughts aren't as cloudy - there's a better feeling in store.
One of the doctors just informed me their moving me now - not sure to where,
It's so empty feeling in jail - you're just a number to be counted - they don't need to care.
You're woke up all hours of the night - with a light shown in your eyes,
I've been moved to another medical wing - now with five other guys.
Since I've been here I've received no calls and no visits - no one at all,
It's as if I were an unwanted gift - just returned to the mall.
They gave to this person I blindly trusted - my wallet - my truck - my money - and even my knife,
I guess they were blinded completely to the fact that she'd nearly cost me my life.
This person was supposed to be a caretaker - who had wanted to take over my care,
She had taken all of my disability money, drugged me, abused me, and then wasn't there.
As I lay here in jail - alone - I now know that I was deceived,
How come I never saw this coming - just what had I believed?
As my mind and thoughts are becoming clearer I feel just like a fool,
I put my trust in doctors, medicines, and people - and I broke my own golden rule.
It's now around 3 in the morning - as I lay here with tears rolling down my face,
I'm wondering just where my life went wrong to put me in this place.
I've never hurt anyone my entire life - that hadn't brought me pain first,
Now it would seem that everything is upside down and I've been cursed.
They weighed me this morning and I weighed 148 lbs. of skin and bones,
I'm now a frail and broken man - a has been that nobody owns.
This is such a harsh reality - at night the hurt haunts me till I cry,
My health and body are in such bad shape - yet I wasn't allowed to die.
It's almost pitch black in here as I stare at the wall,
I miss Janet - my wife who loved me - oh God - I wish she could call.
I'm not even sure how long I've been here - the days and nights do blend,
All I can tell you for sure is that my broken heart won't mend.
They tell me that it has been over four months now that I have been pain pill free,
Yet with all of the medications they have me on - it won't take away my pain - can't they see?
One of the older men in my wing just gave me a Bible to read,
But how can God forgive me - I will just have to beg and plead.
I've had this Bible now for three days - but I'm too ashamed to pick it up,
Why would Jesus or God ever listen to my heart or refill my broken cup.
My life is in a heap of ruins - no-one cares if I should live or die,
Yet all I do most nights is stare at the corner and keep asking God why.
I feel all alone inside - there's an emptiness that has filled my heart,
I know that I need to begin to pickup all of the pieces - but where do I start?
Where are you God - don't leave me here and never return,
Can't you see that I'm falling all apart - yet your forgiveness - how do I earn?
Please God don't leave me alone here - I'm lost and I can't find my way,
Dear Lord why can't you hear me - are the walls too thick - please come back to stay.
Why would you listen to me now - especially when to me - my failure is so clear,
Yet as I laid there in the dark one night - this small light did appear.
It was right there in the corner shining down on me for a minute - and then it came down towards me right there,
I just stared at it as it was lowering down on me - to move I didn't dare.
It came right up over the bed above me as I laid there so still,
Nothing like this had ever happened to me - sure couldn't have gotten this from a pill.
The light started to lower itself down on me and disappeared into my chest,
All of the sudden I felt this amazing calmness and I drifted off to rest.
The next morning when I woke up I remember this sudden craving to want to eat,
I had this unusual tingling sensation from my head to my feet.
All I know was that I suddenly felt so hungry like I hadn't eaten in a year,
Even the jail food began to taste better - exactly how wasn't clear.
This went on for several weeks - I couldn't seem to eat enough,
After two months they weighed me - I had gained 30 pounds and I actually called their bluff.
It had taken the state that I was falsely accused of a crime three years to form a case against me - thou innocent I was,
That never mattered to them - they had put me in jail just because.
Did I mention that I never felt alone anymore - thou I never was it seemed,
The Lord had never left my side - it was like I had dreamed.
I had began to read the Bible the old man had given me both day and night,
I had this amazing drive to learn more - this time I was going to get it right.
I was being transferred from place to place - then put into prison,
If you think the dead don't come back to life - my Savior has risen.
My Lord knew I didn't know how to change - so he became the change in me,
I began to transform from the inside - the change was clear to see.
I prayed for Him to teach me His ways and give me wisdom to live it,
So he slowly guided me through His word and His will for me began to fit.
I have since confessed all of my sins and felt Him forgive me for all,
I'm so thankful that he came back for me - so I didn't miss His call.
I'm still not perfect by any means - He calls me His work in progress,
All I can tell you is that He's helping me make sense of all the mess.
There's been a lot of out with the old and in with the new,
I'm thankfully following His will for me now - with mine I rarely had a clue.
Of all of the places they could've put me - God placed me right down the road from Janet - my wife,
With God's help - we're working things out and beginning to get on with our new life.
I'm close to being released now and God's taken good care of me,
I'm nothing without Him - and I know now - that's how it's always been meant to be.
The caretaker that falsely helped put me in here - is now on the run for her life,
Seems the law is now hunting her down for what she has done to myself and my wife.
She had played a big role in causing me to lose all that I once held near,
Now she is running for her life - and living her life in fear.
I'll admit it - going through what I've been through hurt like hell - cause I had my priorities out of place,
I should've had God first and all else second - you now see the writing on my face.
You see the Lord heard my prayers that night - in that lonely and cold jail cell,
For he's returned everything that had been taken from me - and then some this poem will tell.
It should've been Janet and I all of the way through - because it had been from the start,
But you see God had a plan to heal both of our broken hearts.
Does that mean that we won't have any trials or tribulations - oh how I wish that were so,
However - with God as our foundation - our love for each other will grow.
Since my release - God and my wife are now working to clear my name,
See God knew the truth all along - he knew I was never the one to blame.
Thank you God for listening to me when no-one else was around,
And thank you for being by my side when I didn't have a friend to be found.
Can my family and friends forgive me for my mistakes - that only time will tell,
You've forgiven me Lord - if they can't seem to Lord - for me - that's just as well.
All that truly matters my Lord - is that you forgave this sinner and set me free,
And walking the walk - and talking the talk - is the only place I ever want to be.
They say what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger - and that I have come to know,
The Lord has brought me back from the dead - and that these words will surely show.
So for all of us - innocent or guilty - that found our freedom behind the concrete and steel bars,
Reach out to the Lord - for He will lead you to true freedom and then to the stars.

The words and rhymes are from the Lord - I merely put the pen to the paper...