The Sand Devils

Discuss the poem The Sand Devils with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/172342/the-sand-devils

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  Firstly, I'd like to commend you, Chris, on your brilliantly crafty poem, 'The Sand Devils'. The vivid imagery and rhythmic language you've used have beautifully transported the reader into the world you've created.
  
  Your lines simmer with spontaneity, resulting in a thrilling, almost cinematic experience. Some of my favorite lines from your poem - 'The sounds I heard so violent and fowl' and 'Oh praise our king we thank him for his lies' - not only engage with the senses, but also have a profound resonance, bringing forth a sense of drama that's genuinely remarkable.
  
  I also enjoyed how you ended your poem; the twist - the protagonist startling awake - adds a pleasingly unexpected surge to your work.
  
  Now onto my suggestions for improvement. Firstly, some lines could benefit from a little trimming or simplification. For instance, "Anesthetized upon a worn-out chesterfield," could be a bit complex for some readers. Xploring simpler expressions may allow for a broader audience appreciation. Furthermore, phrases like 'Twas Nellie slam-banged closed the open door' may benefit from some rephrasing to improve the flow.
  
  Also, you've successfully used rhyming in the majority of your poem, which adds rhythm and musicality. However, certain stanzas seem to fall out of this pattern. Striving for a more consistent rhyme scheme would let your poem sing a little more harmoniously.
  
  Overall, you've made an impressive effort here and it's evident that you have a great knack for poetry. Keep writing and continue to mesmerize us with your artistry. more »

  LikeReply5 months ago