Analysis of By proxy

It's far to long I've felt like this.
I'll die by proxy. They did it for me ,they betrayed they martyr, Doomed me to my fate. Swallowed and consumed by liquid. Will anyone ever see me sober?sober once again. From the second I opened these eyes. I could see that the sequence was seeping in. It's far to long inside this malady. Far to low to ever dig myself out again. So why do I try? It's not for you and it wasn't ever meant for me, to ever breath a life of normality. Duality, counterpoint- I was born this way. No way, they say you can change your ways. Like a sleeping siren the sound so prolific. So tantalizing the idea to just drop out. It's not like anyone ever tuned in. A radio wave, constant chatter in the head. Drives me to the edge.and here I stand questioning everything. Drag that lake go on, you won't find me. Iv always been right here all I need is for you to open you damaged eyes.

you were the better half of me. What happened mother, what happened father?Trust I CAN BREATHE NOW. I'M WISHING AND REACHING TO WATCH YOU SUFFER LIKE ME. BUT I JUST HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I Can let you go.
WITH TWO HANDS YOU SHOWED ME HOW TO LOSE SLEEP, ONLY TO ASSUME I WILL NEVER SLEEP. IVE LEFT STONES OF BITTER PAST UNDER MY BED SO THAT MY VOICE ISN'T SO BITTER COLD.
I'm for ever wishing that our time so bitter spent could have been happiness instead. I've been TRYING!! BUT I'M A DIAL TONE UNDER WATER. TREADING LIKE There's NOTHING LEFT TO LOOSE TO CONNECT TO EACH OTHER.
I'm not OK..
She's not the better half of me.
I'm OK..
I can breathe now.
I'm not OK
She's not the better half of me.
I wish it was easier to know that I could let you go.  ...