War within Myself

Every day is a war with myself.

I just want to be numb!

I don't want to feel this anymore!

I just need a break!

A break....

A cut...

Just enough to bleed.

The knife wins,

...and I have failed once again.

The whole world stops...

I can breathe.

No more crying.

No more being afraid...

In that moment-

And only in that very moment,

I feel...

Satisfied.

There's a knock at the door.

"Just a second" I say,

As I wipe the blood away.

The tears already dried from my eyes,

I force a deep breath,

Tell myself,

"Just keep holding on",

as I prepare for what's on the other side of that door.

I announce, "I'm coming"

As I turn the door knob.

With a quick movement,

I open the door,

Match eyes with the man standing in front of me...

It's over.