Make it or Break It

 It was then,
    One morning,
       She woke up differently…

      She was tired of all the sleepless nights filled with words unspoken and unheard cries.

She was tired of feeling alone in a room,
    In a bed,
  In a house- a home,
  That she was anything but alone in.

She was tired of feeling so broken…
 Feeling Unwanted…
   Feeling Unseen…
     Feeling Unheard…
And Unloved…

     She was tired of feeling like she didn’t exist.
In the very world she lived in every day…

She was tired of feeling like she wasn’t a part of the world,
Their world,

The world she was left one day, to maintain by herself….
    The world they once both wanted,
        And was left to assume still was.

                    So, she continued…
She knew what the end game plan was.

    They promised…
     She knew what needed to be done in order to get there, and if she didn’t do it…
If she didn’t pick up his slack,
    They’d never get where they wanted to be,

“To be the strength where the other falls weak….”
To be together,
   As best friends,
       As a couple,
          ….As a team…
      As One.

The picture was very clear,
    and very simple….

     She picked up where he left off.
Picking up the slack in order to not crack the freshly poured foundation they just worked so hard to form….
     It was barely dry,
when she noticed the first spot…...
     A minor detail here, that just needed a little more support.
  A minor detail there, that just needed a little more work.

If only she knew, it was just the beginning,
to her world,
crumbling down before her.

She never thought, -couldn’t imagine it…
     The force, that was going to soon play the role of the bad guy in their
fairytale…
 It may have only seemed as if it was still the beginning of their love story……...

But this is the story about how they break it…
Not the story of how they make it….


The force that was coming straight at her,
     With the rate of speed, it was going,
        Pain driven…
 Fueled with pieces of incomplete memories……
-------------------------------------------------------------
 Topped off with mixed-up details from alcoholic blackouts to give it a good boost….
And don’t forget the big red button if all else fails!
     …...And by button, I’m referring to the one you press when you’re about to lose……
   Slam that turbo button and it’ll blow everything and everyone out of sight……
That button! Go ahead, press it, it’s the only way you’ll win, right?

       That button, gives the same results as you’ll get when it all starts:
    The voices, nobody else hears but you….
    The voices in your head….
Late at night,
     When you’re all alone in the dark…
     The damage silence alone can do,
Can cause…….
     Can be beautiful in its own chaotic way….
                  Sometimes. Not always.
Not always…….
  So, the voices become louder,
     They’re screaming at you,
Reminding you of all your failures,
   Using any bit of doubt or second guess,
Any kind of hesitation, decisions that didn’t go the best,
ANYTHING
          …….Against you,
Convincing you that it’s not everyone else that leaves you,
It’s YOU!
 It’s all you!
  It’s always been you!
                            You’ll never be good enough.
  The room is spinning….
                 MAKE IT STOP!
  The voices get louder,
    The room is spinning faster,
Nothing is making sense!
     It doesn’t matter,
              You don’t matter!
 That’s not what happened,
      It doesn’t matter!
  It’s not what you know, it’s what you make yourself feel.
    It’s what you convince yourself!

-------------------------------------------------------------
           Aimed, deadlocked, at their happily ever after…

 The morning came,
   The one she always wrote about….
     The one she spoke about…
       The one she warned him about…
          The one she feared more than anything…...

   As the words,
     “I can’t do this anymore!”
 Escaped from her lips,
  Flowing through the air until,
Reaching the ears of the man she loved,
        …more than life itself,

   Leaving a pierced heart in its tracks,
 It must’ve been something in the debris that caused that damage….
        She couldn’t have stopped it- protected it, shielding the pieces she’s kept close to her, while cutting every tie she’d been holding onto-
                  For dear life.
 The ties that she managed to use,
 To make through it through another day….
                 And another……
                     And another……
  Holding onto the last time he spared a split second-
                 And I do mean split second….
  And looked at her,
            Not through her….
  Many times she settled with,
 She accepted and was actually satisfied with him just looking in her direction….

  What she knew in her head, wasn’t what she always told her heart….

     Exchanged words with her, instead of
 throwing the words from any and every spiteful and hurtful thought that crossed his mind, at her….
       Another day that only brought more broken promised, plans never kept, meaningless words,
That were once conversation…...
     Words that once put her so high above the world, and any daily thoughts,
Concerns, and worries…
     Maybe that’s why she didn’t see it coming.
        The fall of her life…

    The fall that would either break them or make them…
  Before she knew it, her whole world was falling apart,
      One thing at a time,
         One thing right after another….
              After another…...
         After another…...

   It was all happening so fast, there was nothing she could do to stop it,
      Not alone…...
                             But is that what she wanted?
                                           To be able to stop it?
      If she could, of course….
   Everything she held onto,
      Was out,
          Destroyed….
  Things that once were vital to the relationship,
   No longer held meaning…...
        The man that hung the moon just for her,
Made her realize how unimportant she really was,
 -                        in his life-
     The path to their future,
        The story of how they made it….
           The key chapters to their book.
                    Her Buck…
                       His Doe.

  This was supposed to be their year…
         To get married,
   To soon complete their little family…

              His Always…...
                     Her Forever.......
 
   The year started with
                Promising for Always….
  And ended with,
                                   Goodbye Forever…...
-------------------------------------------------------------
     This is the story of how they didn’t make it….

   The year started with plans for a wedding and trying for a baby….
But the year ended exactly with that….
         The End.
-------------------------------------------------------------
     It all started in January…...
     Trying for a baby,
  With plans to get married in August….
  As he torn everything apart, ruining everything
  They had,
     Everything they were…
                        “And all these little things”
         Throwing it all away….
-------------------------------------------------------------
     Brick by brick…...
         He destroyed her,
            Leaving her broken….
                “With all those little pieces”