I am Feeling Very Confused

I am feeling very confused.
My battles have left me bruised,
And I am slightly amused
That I feel misused

Because I have had a great life,
But still I feel like a low life,
And still turned to the knife.
My brain and I are left in a strife.

I should feel good, no great and I don’t feel that,
And because of that I feel like such a brat,
And the intensity of the combat
Between me and my brain at times I can’t look at.

And don’t get me wrong sometimes I do feel good,
And I feel happy and I feel like it's something I should
Feel all the time, but hope and persistence is proving no-good
And I never quite understood.

Why? Why do I feel like a mess?
I feel all this stress
Crashing down on me on excess,
And it's something That I learned to suppress,

But I can't anymore.
I can’t pretend to be ok anymore.
And when I comes to help I always need more and more
I feel like a burden and I feel tore

I need the help but I don't want to be a thorn in the side.
I feel shriveled up and dried
And occasionally I feel like my soul has died
But I just push that Aside.

And I keep going, and I have to keep going.
Because to know what I am knowing
That everyone wants me to make it, wants me to get better and keep growing,
But my progress is slowing.

And even though I know everyone is rooting for me, do I really know,
And sometimes I feel as if I am going deeper and deeper below
And I have to just keep going with the flow
But I can't keep pushing through the cold and biting snow.

I am feeling very confused.