Draw the Butterfly my Therapist Said

Draw the butterfly my therapist said.
Keep the butterfly safe, don’t kill it my therapist said.
On any place you need my therapist said,
And I know she’s trying to help but I still can’t get it out of my head.
There’s always another place.
My wrists, my arms, my ankles, my thighs are a start, there is so much space,
But I'm running out of room with the scars on my skin that I don’t know if I want to erase.
I hate to think of my of my body as a canvas for the blade in my hands,  
And I hope that nobody here understands
The addiction's intense demands.
But draw the butterfly my therapist said

Who ever thought you would need coping mechanisms for your coping mechanism.
The ice
The Spice,
My personal favorite, the rubber band, and blah blah blah some more advice.
It’s a weird thought to think about.
They say to take a deep breath in, and let it out,
“All you gotta do is reachout!”
Like it's that easy.
Now for those who don't struggle with this it might seem easy
But the pure thought of that makes me sick and uneasy
The thought of the judgment and fear from those who didn't know.
The thought of the disappointment and stress from those who did know.
The fear of “off to the psych ward you go!”
Who ever thought you would need coping mechanisms for your coping mechanism.

It’s an addiction
Everyday one aches more and more for the pain
And I hate my brain.
To give you a sense It feels like you’re weighed down by a chain
But it feels so good in moment, but the sting with the shower or bath
To cover up even if it’s a little patch
God I hate the aftermath.
But, It helps people survive.
When one has lost their drive.
At least for me it keeps me alive.
It's an addiction.

But even with all of that said,
Even tho my mind, my heart, and my skin bled
draw the butterfly my therapist said.