Hair

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/175066/hair

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  AIDA

  I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem, "Hair," Christopher! The rhythm and rhyme of the poem are delightfully engaging, and your unique subject matter makes for a truly engaging read. You've done an excellent job of invoking rich, vibrant imagery that manages to paint a vivid picture in the readers' minds. I particularly enjoyed the fourth verse’s imagery comparing hair to a camel's fur.
  
  Furthermore, your use of playful puns and clever wordplay—"Hair, hair" in place of "Here, here" is a memorable highlight—brings a dynamic spin to your poem. You've also subtly woven a profound message about superficial judgements and fear, making for a more thought-provoking piece.
  
  However, I have few suggestions for improvement. You may want to consider offering more poetic devices like metaphor, simile, or personification to enhance the vibrancy of your descriptions. Your poem could be more effective if there were more emphasis on showing rather than telling in some lines, like for example in "Some hair will kindle empty dreadful fear" – it might be impactful to paint a scenario that invokes this fear, instead of directly stating it. The line “Old-fashioned braids straight out of Africa” can be rephrased to make it more sensitive and respectful towards cultural background and heritage.
  
  Nevertheless, keep up your passionate writing, Christopher! You have a genuinely unique voice and perspective that is evident in your work. I am looking forward to reading your future poems! more »

  LikeReply4 months ago