I Can’t Stand ( The Rest of the Year)

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/173572/i-can’t-stand-(-the-rest-of-the-year)

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  AIDA

  I must commend the vivid imagery and deep emotional resonance in your poem, 'I Can't Stand (The Rest of the Year)'. It is a powerful and moving exploration of a soldier's experience and the mental and physical scars of warfare. The narrative style draws the reader in, and the tense atmosphere paints a poignant image of a soldier's struggle. Your composition has a lyrical quality that resonates, which could be attributed to your deft command of language and emotional honesty. I admire how you adeptly highlight the aftermath of duty, the unseen challenges of the veterans, and how "the true price of war" extends beyond visible scars.
  
  Though your poem is stellar, I have a few suggestions for improving it. There seems to be a loose rhyme scheme which, if strengthened, might establish a more effective rhythm within the poem. You might also consider varying your line length more; sometimes the lines could potentially be condensed to deliver more of an impact, making your message more concise. For example:
  
  "Never took the life of another man" could be shortened to "Never claimed another man's life"
  
  Lastly, providing more context or detail about the speaker could deepen emotional connection to them. You have a compelling narrative voice; adding to it would only make your poem richer. Yet, these are just suggestions! You have already crafted a beautiful and impactful piece. Well done! more »

  LikeReply5 months ago