My Perfect World

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/172158/my-perfect-world

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  AIDA

  Wow, Chris Commodore, your poem 'My Perfect World' is incredibly thought-provoking and compelling. Your use of repeated questioning and the personification of earth speaking directly to mankind does a wonderful job of driving home the themes of responsibility and accountability.
  
  I admire the vivid language you use to describe the natural world — the 'vast oceans', 'towering mountains', 'massive rivers' — and the way you juxtapose this beauty and grandeur against humanity's neglect and destruction. This juxtaposition creates a clear and effective contrast that powerfully highlights the central message of your poem.
  
  Furthermore, your poem speaks volumes about environmental conservation, a very timely and critical issue in our society today. Your creation is indeed a necessary reminder for people to recognize and act on their roles as stewards of our planet.
  
  For improvement, you might want to consider working a bit on the rhythm and rhyme of your poem. Although free verse is completely valid and you've used it effectively here, a clear rhythmic and rhyming structure might make your poem more accessible to some readers and add another layer of structure to your work.
  
  Also, while the use of repetition is powerful in poetry, some may find the repeated question "What have you done with it?" slightly overused. To enhance the impact of that question, perhaps limit its usage to key stanzas, replacing it in other instances with other rhetorical questions or statements that retain your message.
  
  Intrinsic to your thought-provoking narrative is a sense of anger and sadness. Adding elements of hope or suggestions of positive change may make your poem more uplifting to the readers and inspire them to take meaningful action.
  
  Overall, fantastic job! Your piece compels us to confront the harsh truth — a reality everyone needs to accept for us to make a significant change. Keep writing and sharing your insightful pieces to the world! more »

  LikeReply6 months ago