Perpetual Saturday



The news rolled through like a vacuum
As the rug yanked out from under me
Emptied my bones in a white washed tomb
When time stopped on Saturday

The idle clock mocks me, without turn
While I re-run the scene like a screenplay
Reliving a moment I just can’t discern
As my story unraveled that Saturday

Hope’s palette of color abruptly withdrew
All the world’s pigment, a dull black and grey
Living one day on repeat, out of view
In my private hell of Saturdays

Behind my eyes lie damned up rivers
As the cracks in my smile begin to decay
Rewriting memories, as real ones wither
Romancing days prior to Saturday

This morning I heard the song of a lark
In the smile of a stranger passing my way
I unpacked my bones with dreams to embark
To a world with a future past Saturday
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Written on September 26, 2023

Submitted by David_Zeoli on September 26, 2023

46 sec read
63

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABAB CDCB EDEX XDXB FDFB
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 785
Words 154
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Discuss the poem Perpetual Saturday with the community...

3 Comments
  • Vixility
    Amen to that! You should be incredibly proud of this piece. Though uncertain of the ’type of loss’ or event being referred to, I could empathize with the real and deep sense and pain—whatever that loss may be.

    The imagery you use throughout is painfully eloquent as your poem had me recall the loss of my mom (not too far back) and that of a high school friend who died from a hunting accident.

    “Behind my eyes lie damned up rivers” … wow. I mean—wow. I feel that!

    I wasn’t certain if this was a coincidence or if you intended for the allusion in the closing stanza … but in that stanza a sense of hope manifests itself as a larks’ song, which immediately reminded me of the line in Emily Dickinson’s poem which reads, “Hope is a thing with feathers”. After having reread your third stanza I thought to myself how interesting it is that this Hope which withdrew returns in the symbol of the lark.

    Either way, intended or not, that concluding stanza was perfect.

    Anyhow, David, remarkable poem! I think I speak for several people here when I say your works always stick out as gems in these contests. Look forward to reading more …
     
    LikeReply 16 months ago
    • David_Zeoli
      Thank you so much! Your comments mean a lot to me.
      I was intentional about not being specific about what the “news” referred to. Though it was something specific to me, I wanted the reader to place their own personal experience into the poem. What a great line by Emily Dickinson. Though the connection with her poem was a coincidence, the lark’s song did represent that “hope” returning and a new day.

      Thank you again for reading it and your comments.
       
      LikeReply6 months ago
  • Jewoo525
    Yo David! Man, I was sooo close to giving this my vote! What a fantastic poem. Didn’t know it was yours, but now that I see it, I think I can see slight traces of your “style” (referenced from your last entries).

    The structure and overall composition is fantastic, it made me re-read this entry many times before making my final considerations. An objectively excellent poem my friend, you should be very proud of this one.
     
    LikeReply 16 months ago
    • David_Zeoli
      Thank you so much my friend! You are always so kind and uplifting. A real bright spot on this site.
      LikeReply6 months ago
  • JokerGem
    Great motif, solid and inevitabley propitious when followed to the end. I'll be watching for you in the future!
    LikeReply 16 months ago

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"Perpetual Saturday" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/170747/perpetual-saturday>.

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