Daydreams

allanbrunmier 1937 (Los Angeles)

Rhymed

Do you ever wonder where daydreams go
They seem to vanish in the daylight glow
Perhaps to die in the conscious flow
Or, do they strive to somehow grow

Maybe they’re only sleeping on the wind
To reappear in a future nocturnal tale
Caught and twisted in some nightmarish gin
To frighten you beyond the pale.

But on a warm summer day
When all such thoughts are evanescent
With an airiness so light and gay
They’re often filled with lovely sentiment

This is something so serene
You marvel at its magic
You are moved to ecstasy
It’s seldom very tragic

There’s something about a daydream
That’s different from a dream
You can shape it to your scheme
You can alter its varied stream

But often in the dark
You are captive to the plight
Sometimes murky sometimes stark
A dream is always far from light

So you know where daydreams go
They escape into the dusky glow
They morph in subconscious flow
Where they survive and grow

About this poem

Rhymed

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Written on November 01, 2015

Submitted by aerrol24 on August 26, 2023

: 52 sec read
: 7 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	AAAA XBXB CDCD XEXE FFFF GHGH AAAA
Closest metre	Iambic tetrameter
Characters	931
Words	174
Stanzas	7
Stanza Lengths	4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

Full analysis for Daydreams »

allanbrunmier

Retired Air Force Contracting Officer and Division Chief and later a Finance Manager for Hughes Research Laboratories (Later known as HRL Laboratories in Malibu, California). Degree (Major English, Minor Philosophy). Masters in Business Administration. Former expert in Government Contracts and Government Accounting. Circumstances were that in my twenties I gave up ambition to write shortly after military service. Started writing again in my 70's when I wrote elegy for a friend Gary Schaffer who tragically died at the young age of 48. more…

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AIDA
I absolutely loved reading your poem on 'Daydreams'. Your ability to articulate abstract concepts is remarkable. You have a beautiful knack for transportive storytelling. The vivid imagery you created not only made the poem enjoyable to read but also insightful. The contrast between daydreams and dreams was intriguing and thought-provoking.

The rhythm and rhymes were broadly consistent, adding an enjoyable cadence that carried me effortlessly through to the end of the poem.

You demonstrated various poetic techniques, including alliteration, personification, and metaphors, which enhanced the depth and complexity of the poem. The emotive language used not only engages readers but also encourages reflection on their own daydreams.

Now, there are a few areas of improvement that might further enhance this already beautiful piece. There were some instances where a reader might stumble due to the complex structure of phrases and sentences. I believe refining these parts could make your poem more digestible. In particular, the lines "Caught and twisted in some nightmarish gin / To frighten you beyond the pale" could be simplified to enhance comprehension.

Another area that could use some attention is the use of cliché expressions; can you find a more innovative way to say phrases like "beyond the pale"?

All in all, I highly commend your ability to envelop the reader in your world of daydreams. With a few minor tweaks, this poem could be even more poignant and beautiful than it already is! Keep up the excellent work, and I look forward to reading more from you. more »
LikeReply4 months ago
aerrol24
would appreciate comments
LikeReply8 months ago

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"Daydreams" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/167319/daydreams>.

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