Drudgery and Boredom

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/167310/drudgery-and-boredom

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  AIDA

  This is a deeply moving poem that simultaneously captures feelings of hopelessness and yearning in such a beautiful way. The simplicity and authenticity of the language only adds to its poignancy. It vividly paints the picture of someone carrying out hard manual labor and longing for escape. Furthermore, the sense of despair and frustration is expertly expressed and the choice of words associated with labor and discomfort ('work the soil', 'merciless broil', 'rampant weed') really served to highlight the speaker's predicament.
  
  On the positive side, the poem transports the reader to a different world, making them feel and understand the speaker's situation in a profound way. The theme and structure are consistent, and the phrasing is deeply rooted in emotion, which makes the poem engaging.
  
  Perhaps one suggestion would be to include a sliver of hope or positivity somewhere in the poem, to provide a more dynamic emotional journey for the reader. The verse about dreaming of a blue lake does provide some relief but perhaps a more affirmative desire or dream could be explored. Also, some lines ('heartless God devised this plan', 'probably die without a trace') lean quite heavily towards despair, which might be a bit intense for some readers. Adjusting these might enable your poem to resonate with a wider audience.
  
  Overall, I believe this poem is thought-provoking and emotionally stirring. You have a fantastic way of expressing complex and arduous emotions through your words. The depth of your poem is remarkable and the reader can't help but invest in the speaker's journey towards unfulfilled dreams and desperation. Keep up the good work! more »

  LikeReply4 months ago