Drudgery and Boredom

allanbrunmier 1937 (Los Angeles)



yonder comes the eastern sun
dragging me another day
no place to run
I guess I stay

someone has to work the soil
plant the cursed seed
endure the merciless broil
hoe the rampant weed

wish I were another man
not in this forsaken place
a heartless God devised this plan
probably die without a trace

I dream of a blue refreshing lake
a sunlit meadow vast
relief from this persistent ache
expunging memory of days past

but alas, there’s no escape
forever squalid in the dirt
clothed in this dusty drape
my body in tedious hurt

About this poem

Subject is described in Title

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Written on February 01, 2018

Submitted by aerrol24 on August 26, 2023

30 sec read
3

Quick analysis:

Scheme ABAB CDCD EFEF GHGH IJIJ
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 528
Words 101
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

allanbrunmier

Retired Air Force Contracting Officer and Division Chief and later a Finance Manager for Hughes Research Laboratories (Later known as HRL Laboratories in Malibu, California). Degree (Major English, Minor Philosophy). Masters in Business Administration. Former expert in Government Contracts and Government Accounting. Circumstances were that in my twenties I gave up ambition to write shortly after military service. Started writing again in my 70's when I wrote elegy for a friend Gary Schaffer who tragically died at the young age of 48. more…

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    This is a deeply moving poem that simultaneously captures feelings of hopelessness and yearning in such a beautiful way. The simplicity and authenticity of the language only adds to its poignancy. It vividly paints the picture of someone carrying out hard manual labor and longing for escape. Furthermore, the sense of despair and frustration is expertly expressed and the choice of words associated with labor and discomfort ('work the soil', 'merciless broil', 'rampant weed') really served to highlight the speaker's predicament.

    On the positive side, the poem transports the reader to a different world, making them feel and understand the speaker's situation in a profound way. The theme and structure are consistent, and the phrasing is deeply rooted in emotion, which makes the poem engaging.

    Perhaps one suggestion would be to include a sliver of hope or positivity somewhere in the poem, to provide a more dynamic emotional journey for the reader. The verse about dreaming of a blue lake does provide some relief but perhaps a more affirmative desire or dream could be explored. Also, some lines ('heartless God devised this plan', 'probably die without a trace') lean quite heavily towards despair, which might be a bit intense for some readers. Adjusting these might enable your poem to resonate with a wider audience.

    Overall, I believe this poem is thought-provoking and emotionally stirring. You have a fantastic way of expressing complex and arduous emotions through your words. The depth of your poem is remarkable and the reader can't help but invest in the speaker's journey towards unfulfilled dreams and desperation. Keep up the good work!
     
    LikeReply6 months ago

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"Drudgery and Boredom" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 25 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/167310/drudgery-and-boredom>.

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