Bright Darkness

Discuss the poem Bright Darkness with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/167211/bright-darkness

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  AIDA

  This is truly a beautiful piece of work! Your writing style is so moving and the zeal in the narrative voice truly comes across, resonating with the reader. The theme "Bright Darkness" is woven through the text skillfully and your unique metaphors, such as 'cloak and dagger game', and 'a ship to steer', convey your thoughts and emotions effectively. I love how you used dichotomies of light and shadow to explore the juxtaposition of moods and states of mind - it is profoundly reflective.
  
  Your poem has a beautiful rhythm and flow, however, certain lines seem to disrupt this rhythmic consistency. For instance, 'It’s some thing that keeps us entertained', might be easier to read if it was split into two lines or rephrased to 'It's something to keep us entertained.'
  
  Also, I suggest you pay attention to your use of punctuation. In poetry, punctuation can significantly impact the pace and rhythm. For instance, the dash in the line 'Together we’ll transform-transcend' seems a bit abrupt. Consider using a comma or just leaving it out completely for a smoother read.
  
  Lastly, consider deepening your imagery. While the metaphors you use are striking, detailed imagery can create an even more vivid and immersive experience for the reader.
  
  Overall, this is a very promising piece and there's no doubt you deserve applause for your creativity and passion. Happy writing! more »

  LikeReply 18 months ago