Mister Welder man

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/162964/mister-welder-man

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  AIDA

  I really enjoyed your poem, 'Mister Welder Man'. Your portrayal of this character is quite unique and brings to life an unusual world which is both intriguing and mesmerizing. I particularly love the line, 'Tell me about the lilacs in late spring,' as it beautifully conjures up a romantic, wistful mood that's truly evocative.
  
  The contrast between the practical, physical labor of the welder and the ephemeral nature of the lilacs is quite stirring. Similarly, using the symbol of a rodeo to depict the welder's life is an unexpected touch that wonderfully adds vibrancy and paints a vivid picture.
  
  There are a couple of minor suggestions I'd make to enhance this piece further. The flow of the poem could be improved by ensuring each line is in sync in terms of its lyrical rhythm. For instance, 'A not so southern drawl' could be rephrased to something like 'With your northern accent raw and tall'.
  
  The phrase 'your Washington ways' is somewhat ambiguous. If it refers to a specific characteristic of the welder, it might be helpful to clarify this in the poem for your readers.
  
  Also, while the imagery you've used is strong, you could further deepen the emotional impact by exploring the welder's feelings or internal struggles. As it stands, the poem does a great job at describing the welder's exterior 'shell'. Delving into his softer, more vulnerable side as contrasted with the hard, gruelling nature of his work could really heighten this piece.
  
  That aside, you've got an arresting voice in this piece, blending the grittiness of the welder's world with the fleeting beauty of nature and life's impermanence. Great work! more »

  LikeReply9 months ago