Clown Suit

Of character I have not, wrong things I have sought, I’ve been on the wrong side of battles when fought. I know right from wrong, yet the latter has won. Of greed, deceit, and theft I’ve all done. My burdens I’ve slung on my back like packed dung, keeping all near me like treasures I’ve won. Thinking it’s fun, misleading the young, came to my senses and tried to just run. Tripped on the crumbs of the sums of my dumbs, has left me quite numb, the feeling is glum. I’ll spit a good game and talk about virtue, but a short-sighted come-up, I’ll lash out and hurt you. I’ll burn you, and turn you, and curse you, perverse you, without a seconds thought to reimburse you. And I hate to admit this but it’s also true, I’ll turn my back and abandon you. Trying to be ready, but feel so unsteady, where did I get this blood-stained machete? Never believed this clown suit would end up so heavy. I tend to me, never bent the knee, was taught about Thee, no excuses you see. Citing the scriptures, while ripping up pictures, and hurting my sister, there’s more I can list here. Wanting to yell, while pacing a cell, defeat was the smell, in that self made hell. My soul was for sale, so cheap I won’t tell ..... yeah that’s fine, you can send payment through Zelle. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, brought only self-loathing, it’s just way too lonely, this life of a phony. It’s count time, wake up and eat your baloney. A jack of all trades, and a master of shade, hate and pain. Your trust I will gain, then break it no shame. It’s not my intention, I’ll win your affection, and stand at attention, and give good suggestion, but did I mention, I’ll try to steal your pension? I’m coming to terms you’re better off trusting the worms. I’ve got some work to do, and would love becoming a better friend to you. I’m not okay with my current stay, how I’ve used my days, or how I’ve spent my pay. But I’m pretty excited with what the future will hold, if I only stay bold, continue refusing to fold. Cause I’m getting too old, staying stagnant grows mold, and I’m in need of strength which comes from others I’m told. The problem is me, the solution is Thee, whatever it takes, I just wanna be free, from this vicious cycle of reliving agony. So let me get down on my knees, send a prayer up and plead, God please forgive me! You know what I need, it’s a daily reprieve, full of Grace and Mercy. Cause I’m cold and I’m mean, and sometimes obscene, wash my heart so it’s clean, no more victims I dream, thank you for all your patience with me. And before I go I have one final thing, thank you for taking the time to listen to me.

©️shauncloonan