You Want Me To Stop?

You want me to stop writing? I just won't breathe then. Cuz that's what it feels like not having my thoughts penned. Exhume my ashes so my soul can grow again. Going after a dream as if I seek vengeance.

I fought myself before and ignored the truth. It's been 24 years and it's still something I do. Sailing on a ship but without a crew. Bend ambition as if it's made of bamboo. Being realistic was something I had to grow into. I threw myself at everything praying success will ensue. 

You want me to stop performing? That's fine. We will just live broke until the day that we die. I speak what's in my heart to leave the sadness behind. It works wonders but the pain effects the spine. I squeeze an hour to let my spirit shine. I don't get paid for it but it doesn't hurt to try. 

All I need is for someone to notice the skill. Come up with a plan to fulfill. Grow and adapt to a different lifestyle that's being built. Be smart with cash cuz not having any gets your progress grilled. Ask how I know as if it's on film. I lost everything and still carry the guilt.

Comfort is a train ticket to depression. Once that bubbles the surface you get a layer of stress and focus on a path not noticing your moving backwards. Bills pile up as you start wasting what's earned. Life happens and the mind becomes disturbed. Demons become your shadow and they spread the word. 

Love circles back like a lazy Susan. Happiness isn't reinforced it's loosen. We fight and we cry it's what makes us human. Once patience and tenderness are lost they can't coexist again.

We drew a line between affection and responsibility. Paint a portrait of love without begging for a possibility. Not speak about mental health because for employers it's a liability. Can't even go to socials because no one understands publicity.

We are kissing a recession and being oblivious. The national debt has scratched it's limit and no one is paying for it. We swipe without noticing the conflict. Ask for a loan but get rejected and your credit stripped. Psychological baggage due to longer shifts. People will starve and have a piece of bread to split.

Government fishing for an excuse to take what's left. Paying taxes to take a breath, shit that just might happen next. Suppose to be for the people not numbers to go against. Laugh at a bill that's jilted and get surprised when people protest.

They call me an alien as if that's a sign of respect. Import a future the idea was correct. Stay in a country and find ways to collect. Immigration status pending until the system can accept. I can't grow or expand I can't even invest. Why bother since there is always a way to be in debt?

So you want me to stop? Well, I just might. I wouldn't want to set the book aside because It's my life. Last time I did, I almost touched the light. So please lord, just let me write. I am a broken man I know and it's late at night. Starving since I didn't eat but drank a sprite.

I don't want to stop personally but my situation is making me. Working quickly yet cautious to spark efficiency. Money will cleanse the bad then paint tranquility. Delete my thoughts so I can enjoy life like a homemade brownie.  

Sorry about coming home to write and stare. I notice your presence of such glare. You complain about time and how I'm not fair. It's called chasing a future my love nothing sinister. Success isn't easy so you gotta volunteer. Put the work until the premiere. Jump on a trampoline with opportunities and fear. Treasure the experience like a souvenir. 

I can't laugh because my emotions were robbed. Thinking about what's next as I do at my job. Make it visible as if written with chalk. Lucifer took my smile and God just watched.

Chasing a career because I can't lose faith. Come home to write until someone complains. Give me an opportunity, but money is in my way. Hopefully, you understand I'm still trying to explain. 

You want me to stop? Cuz I don't. Bills became more annoying than a sore throat. Lost my patience like a TV remote. Hide the tears inside that envelope. I write because it makes me believe there's hope. Without a pen I lose control. I'm in my head and it's worse when alone. Maybe with time I can finally leave my dome.

I can't say I'm depressed because no one will approach. I carry the pain like it's a pair of clothes. It rained but that's not why I'm soaked. I refuse to believe I'm broke.

I have to stop as if I smoke. I can't rest because the mind provokes. Catch me in two weeks with blood and a note. I gave a warning but it was written in Morse code. If only we could clean our mistakes with a bar of soap. I would be happy and not have my dream disposed.