Cosmic Pysche

I want to change the world; I can’t stand it here.
Maybe I just hate myself because my mind’s too much to bare.
Alight or insanity? Maybe it’s a lot of vanity.
Spirit split mind, am I still humble if I claim that “I AM?”

Is it intuition?
Is it my higher self?
Am I in the Godhead?
Is it the other way around, or somewhere else?

Feeling lost in time, like I can’t be found.
Vibrations tear through space like silent sound.
Electric pulses in my head ripple the world that I’m around.

Imagination, or psychic ability?
Do I cause to be, or foresee reality?
Am I a conduit of the cosmos, or am I talking to myself?
If they’re one and the same, then I might need some help.

I’m being guided by signs and numbers,
But every action precedes regret and I just wanna slumber.
How is this the right path if I don’t like what’s left?
After each moment is a breath full of bereft.

Eyeing synchronicities but feel like I’m sinking through Hell.
How am I in tune if I feel out of synch and unwell?
I speak to the universe, and it talks back.
It’s got me on the verge of a constant heart attack.

I’m too broken and shattered to raise the vibes.
I’m not affirming, I’m just purging so I can find my tribe.
I want peace of mind without the bribe,
But it’s my soul in pieces without my bride.
Paranoid intrusive psyche, I feel like I’ve already died.

Maybe angles only speak to their own,
When nowhere they go feels close to home.

I need to excise these emotions
To unblock the energy and get back in motion,
But it feels like every word and thought ignites commotion.

I ache to not be stagnant, but I’m in a quantum bubble pocket dimension,
Serving out time in my cosmic detention.

Pitches ringing in my ear
But unsure what frequency I hear.
Frequent seeing the unseen that’s really here.
Life is magic but I’m stuck in fear,
Aligning away from what I hold dear.
I’m grasping at the wheel but unable to steer.

These words aren’t meant to sound bleak.
I just feel weak and need some compassion.
Along with understanding, answers, and passion.
Oh, and all the high vibe things to gain back my traction.
Back to ignorance, or co-creating while ignoring dark distractions?

Is this spiritual, or all in my mind?
Either way, I hope it’s something that I can find.
Otherwise, I’ll be left behind
Because I haven’t found a way to turn back time.

About this poem

As I learned more about esoteric philosophy and mysticism, I started noticing weird happenings in my life, like Jungian Synchronicity. There were several times where it seemed like I either had a precognitive ability or I manifested something into my physical reality from my mind. This poem grapples with knowing what I was experiencing, while also believing I was going crazy.

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Written on 2021

Submitted by JohnL3 on August 20, 2022

Modified by JohnL3 on September 12, 2022

2:28 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 2,389
Words 494
Stanzas 13
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 3, 4, 4, 4, 5, 2, 3, 2, 6, 5, 4

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