Growth Through Loss

Two years in my lightless abyss.
In hindsight, I realize the light that’s amiss.
Bilateral reciprocated tiny incisions,
Inadvertently causing our own division.

Two focal points of perspective
Each in our own hurt, vying for directive.
Our hearts were full, but spilled over time
Until becoming empty, acting as a mime.

Words spoken that can’t be unsaid,
Wishing I could pull them from your head.
I put my own pain ahead of yours,
But I have grown from my internal wars.

We are both human, full spectrum of emotion
As vast and deep as all the oceans.
I let past pain block your love
But now I see cause and effect from above.

I couldn’t believe you truly loved me
But the belief is what it means to feel free.
Long time wounded and confused,
But of us probably felt abused.

While together, we should’ve killed the past.
That would’ve ensured growth that’s meant to last.
But instead of growing together, we withered apart.
Learned some lessons, wishing for another start.
Just to prove we are perfect together
And meant to be with each other forever.

I couldn’t fully see how I hurt you.
Logic over emotion is what I thought to be true.
But that wasn’t empathy, it’s just plain rude.

I did the best that I knew how
But my best has become so much better now.
I thought you were bad at compromise.
I see now you were trying to keep the vibe high.

I understand how thoughts create reality
But I didn’t know then I was aligned with the dark of duality.
I felt sorry for the weary souls
But now, I myself don’t feel whole.

You’re the one that kept me afloat
But leaving is what capsized my boat.
You were the Eden I tried to protect
But I’ve been in Hell since that day you hit eject.

Considering throwing myself to the Beast
Just in hopes the universe grants me relief.
Maybe it throws me back in time,
Best case scenario: hoping for a rewind.
You always questioned my blank present state mind.
I was happy but now too many thoughts are entwined.

Your presence kept me present,
Literally a gift from Heaven.
You kept me from falling into my own rift.
Without you by my side, my soul’s eternally adrift.

I’ll rejoin the system if it’ll have me back.
I’m trying to conquer the fear, to avoid a heart attack.
Maybe it’ll fix my simulation,
And I’m gaining courage to go with no hesitation.

If ego death is killing my pride,
Then falling on my sword shall end with me revived.
This has been slow death by survival,
But I’m tired and pray God grants my revival.

I hope Plato is right and this is all Illusion,
If not, at least I’m saved from delusion.
I’m hoping I’m in a quantum gap in time,
So I can get back to the past and reclaim what’s mine.

Fearing the world blocked out my future.
I’d already be better if you stayed to stitch my sutures.
I know the power of the mind
And you had to leave so yours could stay fine.

I thought I was preventing the world from ending,
But the end was the quanta I didn’t know I was sending.
There is no end in infinity, as there is no start.
So, there’s a reality where we are still bonded at the heart.

I’m shifting my focus on a lot of things
Because I want to be excited for what the future brings.
And thus, I shall patiently await your angelic wings.

About this poem

During an infinite regress of analyzing my relationship and what led to it's fallout, I couldn't stop holding the paradox of pain and love (each from both perspectives) in hand at the same time. I attempted to take accountability for every miscommunication and find a reason for the loss, while also looking past the pain and hoping for a better future.

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Written on 2021

Submitted by JohnL3 on August 20, 2022

Modified on March 05, 2023

3:23 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 3,256
Words 677
Stanzas 18
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 6, 3, 4, 4, 4, 6, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 3

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