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Past the Mass of Personas

Cycles, symbols, and patterns
All I see are lessons from Saturn.
I must’ve exhausted my Karma,
Now I’m presented only with Dharma.

All at once I dove too deep.
Found there’s more than I sowed than what I reap.
Integrous and wanting best for all,
The more I heal, the more I fall.

Journeyed in rabbit holes through the Mind,
Fascinated with the potential of what I could find.
Among the discoveries, I found instead that I had lost
The most important thing, trying to save her at all costs.

Searching for my purpose, I found the big picture
Caught betwixt the cosmic dance written in Scripture.
I saw the future and felt called to duty,
Unknowingly sacrificing my only Beauty.

Duty is the death of love, for the good of humanity.
However, it cost me all, including my sanity.
Questioning reality in a noble attempt
Included all, and she wasn’t exempt.

On my shadow, I shined a light,
Causing this mirror reality to bring a great plight.
I wanted to help others, Heaven to Earth I envisioned,
But I can’t unsee the psyche and it’s causing division.

Reality inverted and seeing manipulation,
Noticing society trapped in simulation.
Helping others see through the lies
Turned angels into demons, hidden in disguise.

I’m followed by relationships at the point of divide,
Waking to the truth of what we denied.
Whether personal or on a world-wide scale,
I can’t tell the difference beyond the veil.

Trying to shake all from their slumber,
Attempting to unite and in a great number.
It caused the loss of love, resulting in schism.
Nothing is coincidence, trapped in this solipsism.

Gaia at the brink of annihilation,
Caused by gaslighting from the Freemason.
Searching for sense in a world of delusion,
Maybe it’s me, needing mental institution.

The label of “crazy” I do not mind,
I consider it Truth, and it’s easy to find.
Unable to tell if I see things how they are,
Or only seeing the worst in people, a feeling so bizarre.

Am I divisive or teaching the lessons?
Empowering yourself seemingly leads to transgressions.
Up is down in this tragic comedy of life.
I looked for happiness and lost my own wife.

My heart wants one thing, but my brain says nay,
To avoid further pain, I must stay away.
I’m confused about our past and can’t tell if it was real.
Am I projecting this on others, or speeding the reveal?

Maybe I’m seeing things that are not there,
So if you’re looking for advice, my best is “beware.”
Gazing at the abyss of the subconscious;
It’s a look back in time, the programming of the conscience.

Whether collective or individual, I only see darkness.
It’s trapped in us all, but it’s Light we must harness.
It takes courage to overcome and stand tall,
But wisdom is knowing it could cost you all.

I saw the devil in my Love
And as below, so is above.
To save all is to sacrifice it too.
I’m caught between knowing the pain and still loving you.

Til death do us part, and now we are ending.
As with the Earth, the end now impending.
If you love something, you should let it be free,
But freedom is duty, and it destroys all the “we’s.”

In a world full of shadows, I am the light.
I cause them to flee because I stand for what’s right.
If more advice is what you want me to decree,
My best is “I see through people, so beware of me.”

I’ll smite all the darkness to bring the New Earth,
I’ll show you your traumas and cause your Rebirth.
I am a martyr with nothing to lose.
I stand in the Truth, but it means to accuse.

About this poem

I was just getting interested in all things metaphysical (theology, philosophy, astrology, psychology, mysticism) when I was abandoned by the person I needed the most. This was meant to be a sort of advice for someone I knew regarding relationship problems, but morphed into something much bigger and into a warning that I don't know what advice to give in a state of pain, grief, and existential crisis.

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Written on 2021

Submitted by JohnL3 on August 20, 2022

Modified by JohnL3 on August 21, 2022

3:35 min read

Quick analysis:

Closest metre Iambic hexameter
Characters 3,512
Words 716
Stanzas 19
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4

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