My Memory



My memory is in the closet
Up on a shelf
Back in the corner
Unseen and unknown
Kept from the world
In a box
In the dark
Out of sight

My memory is of a room
With a door
And four walls
A bed and a desk
It is a hideaway
From life
From the world
From myself

My memory is about a feeling
Of constent turmoil
Of endless struggles
Of conflict and despare
Of quiet self-hatred
Of sadness
And Loneliness
With silent tears

My memory contains a board
With chess pieces and squares
And music playing
To clear my mind of thoughts
So I may not think
Nor feel
Nor want
Nor deserve

My memory is from a time
When I suffered alone
Let no one near me
To not see my truth or know my secret
I chose the need
To seclude
To hide
To withdraw

My Memory is of a past
That haunts my present
That I must keep from my future
So in the closet it stays
Kept from the world
In a box
In the dark
Out of sight

About this poem

This poem is my autobiography of growing up dealing with my feelings of being Transgender and dealing with gender dysphoria. Trying to hide from my truth and being scared of having my truth found out as I tried to resist the truth that was inside of me.

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Written on March 01, 2022

Submitted by JSChandler on March 22, 2022

Modified on April 24, 2023

1:00 min read
316

Quick analysis:

Scheme abcdEFGH xxxxxxeb ixxcxjjk xkixxxxx xdxaxxxx xxcxEFGH
Closest metre Iambic dimeter
Characters 891
Words 200
Stanzas 6
Stanza Lengths 8, 8, 8, 8, 8, 8

Janet S Chandler

I am a trans woman who recently started writing as a means of therapy but find now becoming a passion. more…

All Janet S Chandler poems | Janet S Chandler Books

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4 Comments
  • Dougla$Irishman
    At times I do not understand this world but despite that, there is room for compassion to all people who grapple with life !
    I see myself in this poem, an old has been nearing the end of life.

    But I am a sojourner and that has made all the difference !
    Be brave and seek God's direction ! 
    LikeReply2 years ago
  • Symmetry58
    This poem evokes emotion on a personal level as expressed through the writer. It forces one to feel empathetically. It is extremely human and vulnerable and very moving.
    LikeReply2 years ago
  • J.harvey
    I love the simplicity and the powerful theme!
    LikeReply2 years ago
  • Empress_Li_00
    I don't know why but I was so certain that I would vote for this poem the moment I read it - might be because I am so obsessed with memories, the past or whatnots. It is just so beautifully and intelligently penned, I was so hooked on it. 
    LikeReply 12 years ago

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"My Memory" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/124243/my-memory>.

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