Gold Medals in Lonesome

Winning a second-place trophy
in a one-man race,
doing the tango alone,
screaming "fire" in a phone booth,
wearing a tie and tails
to the county jail
in the middle of yesterday,
after cruising on the wrong side of the sheriff's highway,
sitting at home by the phone
waiting, anticipating, walking the hall,
hoping for a "wrong-number" call,
just to hear someone say "Sorry, but I've dialed an incorrect line,"
Then, to hear myself, I say "Oh, that's fine!
I do it myself all the time and many times
at night on purpose."