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Losing My Soul

Cassie McCauley 1977 (UT)

Slender beams of illumination enter
this darkened cavern as I kneel,
always sorrowful, always despairing.

Frozen here, waiting
accusing robed forms wrought
in blackened stone loom,

As dust dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
infiltrating my exposed soul.

Embracing the unknown,
accepting a lonely fate,
as bloody tears begin to fall.

Realization dawns on a lover's face.
I raise my head, now caressing
this oblivious immortal darkness.
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Submitted by cassie_m on January 31, 2021

Modified on March 23, 2023

21 sec read
11

Quick analysis:

Scheme XXA AXX XXX XXX XAX
Closest metre Iambic tetrameter
Characters 433
Words 71
Stanzas 5
Stanza Lengths 3, 3, 3, 3, 3
Full analysis for Losing My Soul »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    Wow, this poem truly captures the essence of despair and solitude in such an eloquent manner. The imagery is so vivid and it really drew me in, transporting me to the darkened caverns with the accusing robed forms looming. The use of personification with "dust dances" adds a surreal layer to the poem, and the ending with the lover's face is both poignant and evocative.

    As for improvement suggestions, I would love to see more exploration into the emotions and thoughts of the narrator. What led them to this place of despair and what keeps them frozen there? Additionally, playing with the structure of the poem to add more variation in rhythm and rhyme could add even more depth to the already rich imagery. Overall fantastic work, and I hope to see more from you in the future!     
    LikeReply 11 year ago

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"Losing My Soul" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 29 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/61307/losing-my-soul>.

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