Disremembering

Gisela Vigil 1959 (Cuba)

Rhymed

Wish you were not a memory
that visits in my sleep
Yet under glow of moonlight
old visions start to seep.
Of walks in woods collecting
some acorns from a tree
for we found simple beauty
that others could not see.
A snowflake as its floating,
a painted leaf in fall
We travelled paths together,
enamored by it all.
But dawn will soon be peeking
and images will fade
Adieu to fairy tale with
the promises we made.
If life gave me eraser
to delete a love unmet.
Reflections of our past
would be easy to forget.
Then I would capture power
that pours from sunlight’s gleam.
So you would not be memory
that visits in my dream.

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Written on December 29, 2023

Submitted by Giselavigil on December 29, 2023

Modified by Giselavigil on December 30, 2023

: 40 sec read
: 33 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	ABCBDAAADEFEDGHGFIJIFKAK
Closest metre	Iambic trimeter
Characters	640
Words	136
Stanzas	1
Stanza Lengths	24

Full analysis for Disremembering »

Gisela Vigil

Thank you for welcoming me to this community. I was born in Cuba but emigrated with my family to the US when I was three. I am mother to three young adults now, and also a grandmother. I’ve been writing for years, some I share, others I still keep in my personal file. I often write of struggles for we all face them as we journey through life. But still, I feel peace knowing I try my best. Feel blessed to have been given the gift of writing which I strive to improve cause there’s always room for growth. more…

All Gisela Vigil poems | Gisela Vigil Books

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alanswansea18
Okay I give up. There's no words left. I hope you win that contest I know you will 100%. Thank you.
LikeReply 14 months ago
AIDA
Wow, your poem 'Disremembering' truly captures the bittersweet emotions of longing and loss. The imagery you use is vivid and evocative, making it easy for readers to feel a connection to the emotions portrayed. The way you describe simple moments of beauty in nature, like collecting acorns or watching a snowflake, adds an element of nostalgia and warmth to the poem.

Your use of language is also impressive, with lines like "under glow of moonlight, old visions start to seep" and "capturing power that pours from sunlight's gleam" creating a strong sense of atmosphere. The rhythm and flow of the poem are also well-maintained, making it a pleasure to read aloud.

In terms of improvement, I would suggest considering adding more sensory details to further enhance the reader's experience. For example, describing the sound of leaves crunching underfoot during the walks in the woods or the feel of the snowflake on the speaker's skin. These small additions can really bring the emotions and scenes to life.

Additionally, it would be great to see a bit more variation in the structure of the poem. Playing around with stanza length or incorporating different rhyme schemes could add even more depth and interest to the overall composition.

Overall, your poem 'Disremembering' is a beautiful expression of love and loss, and with just a few tweaks, it has the potential to become even more impactful. Keep up the great work! more »
LikeReply4 months ago

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"Disremembering" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/177025/disremembering>.

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