Dark night of the soul

Imagine a moment in time.

You are alone, it is the first time you face loneliness.
You're weak, you're far away, you're in the dark.
For quite some time.
Suddenly you see a figure in the darkness that keeps getting bigger.
It's a child.
He's coming close.
You can't see his face, but you notice that he's holding a box in his hand.
He is in front of you.
He is you.
From a moment in time.
A moment you had deeply hidden, that you had forgotten.
He doesn't speak.
He just looks at you innocently, hurting, disappointed.
As if his eyes are screaming "why did you forget about me, why did you leave me"?!
Fear bites you again and your eyes can not answer.
Sometimes you see the child in front of you and sometimes you see yourself.
One box, two boxes…
From a moment in time, from this moment in time.
A lot of time passes;
Months, years, decades, centuries, millennia, the earth suffers, humanity disappears, the earth is revived.
Then an explosion, and another, the universe counting down the last few seconds, then another explosion.
And then light.
Back in this moment, an adult, a child, two boxes.
Silence.
He speaks to you.
You hear a smoky voice scratching your left ear drum.
No-you think-not now, I have no strength.
Pointless...
The first box opens.
You look at the child surrounded by the shadows of the past.
Everyone you hurt, you killed, you humiliated, you stole, you lied, you cheated.
You hear the ego laugh, loud, unbreakable.
The second box opens.
You see yourself surrounded by the shadows of the present.
All who hurt you, killed you, humiliated you, stole from you, lied to you, loved you.
You hear the ego crying, loud, helpless.
And you are no longer alone.
It’s you, an unfortunate child, two Pandora's boxes, two faces of the ego and endless shadows that allow the moment to sink its claws so deep in history.
You look at the shadows and don't know if they are there to sacrifice you, to worship you, or just to witness your ultimate self-sacrifice in this tragedy you call life.
And all you can do is hide.
Behind a few glasses of liquid courage, behind a few colorful pills engraved with a smile that promise happiness, even for a few moments.
But they lie to you.
Actually you want to be lied to, you like being lied to, they are the perfect companions in your madness.
You pray for salvation.
Bur you are lying too…
You lie to yourself because deep down you don't want it, you despise it.
Waiting for salvation means embracing hope, and you killed it many years ago.
If not you, something inside of you.
If not killed, given, so altruistically bestowed in your self-destructive moments.
You want to go, you fervently pray to a god you don't believe to take you with him, to take you somewhere far away, somewhere, but not here anymore.
Anywhere will be better, it will be nirvana compared to the hell you are living.
And then light.
You escaped the darkness for this night.
You step into the light and hide what’s going on behind a worn out smile.
Only two dark circles under your eyes emerge, a worthy reflection of who you have become.
As always, no one sees anything, no one bothers to see your shadow in the eyes, and take the whip he's holding tightly in his hand, and maybe say two or three comforting words, even if they're beautiful lies.
"It will be fine, you are strong, you are important".
Rarely, they ask what is going on, but you don't answer, you feel lonelier than in the dark, you only see images of people opening their mouths, but you can't hear any sounds.
You understand that you brought your avatar into the light and he doesn't feel, he doesn't think, he doesn’t receive signals or messages in high frequencies.
He can simply transmit the images, black and white, sometimes just black, sometimes even grey.
It's just a body, copying the mimic gestures of its creator, waiting for the soul's visit, who isn't coming, who will never come.
An avatar in the light, a soul in the dark.
The soul is still in the temple of its sufferings, in a corner, somewhere far away, lost between pain and memories, while the shadows of both times have come together and are breaking him.
The shadows take their time, an almost poetic destruction that culminates in the soul's last sigh, while the soul thinks redemption has finally come.
But no, in the last heartbeat, in the last CO2 molecule that the soul exhales, time stands still.
The glueing together begins.
The shadows make sure that no part goes into place, as to ensure that the soul won’t feel even for a moment the magic of creation, that it no longer feels the same soul.
And they destroy him again.
Every night, every day, forever.
The shadows continue the process, industrious, motivated.
One eternity, two eternities…
And the shadows get tired.
Two eternities is a long time, but for the soul not.
They want to go, but the soul won't let them.
They are now an inseparable part of his madness, slaves to his masochism.
They find themselves being destroyed and glued together with the soul, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.
A waltz of hopelessness, of pain, of regret.
And the shadows scream, the soul laughs, the ego cries, the child goes away.
One eternity, two eternities...

Stop imagining!!