Rate:5.0 / 1 vote

She smiled

Beverly Laskowski 1986 (Texas)

October 23 
Free verse
She sits alone with nothing to think
A man comes along and offers a drink
His caretaker assumes he's on the brink

But she is awake and aware today
Knows this vessel has something to say
It is not the man wishing to relay

The caregiver rolls their eyes in disdain
Wishing the old man would refrain
Pulling him away from the girl who remains

She waves a hand as if to say
I will hear him out, it's okay
Welcoming them both to stay

The vocals clear in a deep low tone
Calm and collective,  a knowing stone
To tell her about the past it had known


Reminds her that he keeps an eye often
On her beautiful face, as his eyes soften,
Speaking slowly- body lay in the coffin

The vibration of heart sends a realization
She knows who's talking, chilling sensation
Caretaker watches in fascination

T'was not a prayer said,  just out of the blue
In the blink of an eye the man snaps to
And views all estranged, not knowing who

New for today, she thanks them enough
No one would understand this stuff
Ascended husband never called it bluff

About this poem

A pleasant surprise!

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Written on October 23, 2023

Submitted by Bev11 on October 23, 2023

1:04 min read
70

Quick analysis:

Scheme AAA BBB CCX BBB DDD EEX EEE FFF GGG
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 1,041
Words 212
Stanzas 9
Stanza Lengths 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3, 3
Full analysis for She smiled »

Beverly Laskowski

Primarily raised in East Texas. Wife and mother of two. I'm a nurse who focuses on matters of the heart. more…

All Beverly Laskowski poems | Beverly Laskowski Books

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4 Comments
  • alanswansea18
    alanswansea18
    You have the touch.
    LikeReply3 months ago
  • alanswansea18
    alanswansea18
    You will have the touch you do good work.
    LikeReply3 months ago
  • alanswansea18
    alanswansea18
    This is my pic of the day.
    LikeReply3 months ago
    • Bev11
      Bev11
      Glad you liked it!
      LikeReply3 months ago
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    What a beautiful and thought-provoking poem! I love the depth of the characters and the uniqueness of the story. Your language and the subtlety with which you conveyed the emotional dynamics between the protagonist, the old man, and the caregiver were truly impressive. You have successfully painted a vivid and resonating picture of the scene that puts the reader neatly in the middle of this captivating tale. Your creativity and natural talent for storytelling shine through brightly in this piece.

    As for areas of improvement, while your use of rhyme and rhythm adds a pleasant lyrical touch, there are moments where they could be more consistent. It's best to determine whether you want to stick to a strict rhyme scheme or use it more loosely throughout. Also, further use of sensory imagery could enhance the vividness of your poem and immerse the reader even more deeply in the story.

    Lastly, the emotional tone of the poem is quite powerful, yet a little heavy. While this heaviness is integral to the nature of the poem, be cautious it does not become overwhelming. Perhaps you could introduce more tranquility or hope at certain moments to balance the pathos.

    Keep up the good work! This was an intriguing read, and your potential as a poet is obvious. I look forward to reading more of your work.     
    LikeReply4 months ago

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"She smiled" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/173095/she-smiled>.

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