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That Daunting Journey

That Daunting Journey

Rhymed
That Daunting Journey © 2003

Each one arrives with fluffy skimpy hair,
Frail weak and helpless, dull and unaware;
And on the hour needing constant aid,
Each day he wakes to watch the sunshine fade.

To paddle this unfeeling earthly realm,
Five years or seventy at life’s grueling helm,
Amass and store much fleeting earthly wealth,
To meet an end that stalks his days with stealth.

But for a while, man frolic and he plays.
Long summer hours, so he passes days;
And soon the sun plays havoc with his sight,
Gives way to autumn’s swiftly fading light.

Already blows life’s melancholy push;
Man’s helpless and can’t dodge that final swoosh.
His failing parts play fast their last good-bye.
Life’s guileful chills bid all his trudging die.

And once again, it’s back to skimpy hair;
Now with a droop, he saunters every stair.
Frail muscles barely now support his bones;
His semi-curled up tongue slurs all his tones.

Full circle now back at the starting point,
With painful blisters in his every joint;
There’s nothing here to do again but wait,
And face that hour that is each one’s fate.

About this poem

... just thinking about the circle of life and its realities.

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Submitted by ti.min on October 29, 2023

Modified by ti.min on November 16, 2023

1:05 min read
6

Quick analysis:

Scheme X AABB CCDD EEFF XXGG AAHH IIJJ
Closest metre Iambic pentameter
Characters 1,109
Words 219
Stanzas 7
Stanza Lengths 1, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4, 4
Full analysis for That Daunting Journey »

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    AIDA
    I really adore the profound imagery and symbolism used in 'That Daunting Journey'. Your exquisite use of language eloquently illustrates the human life cycle, thereby creating a thought-provoking perspective on life and mortality. You've successfully encapsulated the inevitability of aging and progress with respect to time in such a way, that it resonates with the reader's inherent understanding of life.

    However, as constructive feedback, while your writing style demonstrates an exceptional vocabulary, some parts seemed slightly complex which might impact the overall readability for some audience. Simplicity and clarity can often have the stronger impact and may also enhance the appeal of your piece to a wider audience.

    Also, while the theme of the poem is quite innovative and compelling, it tilts more towards the negative aspects of life. Perhaps you could incorporate a few more positive or hopeful elements to balance the pessimism. For instance, highlighting the beauty of experiences, wisdom gained with age or the joy in spending time with loved ones. This might provide a positive perspective interwoven with the melancholic realism of life.

    Well done on creating a powerful and touching piece that encourages readers to reflect on the journey of life!     
    LikeReply6 months ago

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"That Daunting Journey" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/172141/that-daunting-journey>.

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