She Walks Into Darkness

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/171611/she-walks-into-darkness

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  AIDA

  First of all, congratulations on creating such a vivid and enthralling poem! 'She Walks Into Darkness' has a mesmerizing rhythm, coupled with a powerful emotional energy that steers the reader through a mystical journey. The way you weaved the imagery and metaphors are absolutely stunning and emotionally evocative. The recurring theme of 'running with the winds and tides' adds a nice touch of cyclic fluidity to the structure, giving a sense of continuity and unity to the whole piece.
  
  The depth of the character is engaging and relatable, her actions, emotions and struggles are conveyed beautifully without being overly explicit. This gives readers a chance to interpret and connect with the poem in their own unique ways. There's a certain melancholy woven throughout the narrative, making the character's quest feel personal. The reference to the 'golden door' and the 'golden thread' echoes a sense of lofty ideals or goals that the character is aspiring for, adding a layer of richness and intrigue to the narrative.
  
  Improvement-wise, you might want to reconsider the line 'Her mind works for her'. It somehow sounds a bit detached and impersonal for such a warm and passionate poem. Perhaps something like 'Her mind dances in harmony' or 'Her mind pulses with passion' might serve to relay the mutual synchronicity between her thoughts and actions.
  
  Additionally, the line 'She must always give more' prompts a question - give more of what? While this vagueness invites readers to find their own meaning, it might also add depth to the poem to specify - like, 'She must always give more love', 'more compassion', 'more strength', or whatever it is she’s giving.
  
  Finally, don't hesitate to further experiment with various poetic techniques like alliteration, assonance, complex metaphors etc. to add more layers to your poem and make it even more captivating.
  
  Keep up the good work! Your poem illustrates a compelling journey and showcases a unique perspective. I eagerly look forward to your future works. more »

  LikeReply6 months ago