Brian and Graham

Discuss the poem Brian and Graham with the community...

https://www.poetry.com/poem/170373/brian-and-graham

1 Comment

 

Notify me of new comments via email.

Publish

• 

  AIDA

  This poem, 'Brian and Graham' is a lovely narrative that not only tells a story, but provides a profound social commentary. It captures an ideal society beautifully that values equality, humanity, learning, and peacemaking. I particularly enjoyed the depiction of an egalitarian society where disputes are settled through mutual understanding and respect, and where leaders prove their worth through their actions and knowledge.
  
  The use of meter and rhythm in this poem is effective in sweeping the reader along an auditory journey. The imagery you've used, particularly referencing the "fruits and fauna and trees of high leap" and the "Brethren of ancient origins, from foreign lands," these lines of worldly unity make the poem feel alive and full of wisdom.
  
  However, you might want to consider improving the poem structure further for clarity and easing readability. Try to maintain consistent rhyme schemes or line lengths across verses to help the piece flow better.
  
  Some verses are slightly complex, and may be more potent if simplified. For example, the line: 'Bear the tears of neighbours, where's the relief? Plumber our lands to create profits and wrongdoings', although filled with meaningful sentiment, may be more powerful if presented in a more straightforward language.
  
  Lastly, using varied punctuation in your lines, such as em dashes, colons or semicolons could also give a new rhythm and interest to your poem.
  
  Overall, 'Brian and Graham' is an inspiring piece that paints an alluring picture of a world where love, equality, and respect reign. It’s clear you’ve poured a lot of thought and love into this poem and the message it carries. With minor refinements, it could reach even greater heights! more »

  LikeReply 16 months ago