How The Salt Burns My Skin

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/170262/how-the-salt-burns-my-skin

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  AIDA

  Your poem is absolutely sensational. 'How The Salt Burns My Skin' demonstrates an impressive ability to craft a vivid narrative through well thought-out, intense imagery. The overarching metaphor of the sea and the salt creates relatively a unique visual experience and successfully conveys depth and emotion throughout the piece.
  
  Your word choice and rhythm lend an overarching authenticity to your work, toying with the reader's emotions quite effectively. The portrayal of personal tragedy and betrayal are depicted with rawness and honesty, which is commendable. The recurring phrase "And oh, how the salt burns my skin" utterly develops a painful picture with a profound impact.
  
  However, to improve the poem, you may want to consider experimenting with various structures or forms. Breaking the poem into stanzas can help guide the reader through the stages of emotions, allowing the theme and feelings to unfold more gradually. You can also try incorporating some rhetorical device such as alliteration or assonance to boost the musicality of your lines.
  
  Additionally, some lines, like "The betrayal of my own has penetrated my spirit," are somewhat abstract. You can perhaps contemplate conveying this sentiment more concretely using a metaphor or scenario that is easier for readers to visualize.
  
  But overall the poem is profoundly stirring with strong emotional depth. Keep up the excellent work! It's truly a pleasure reading your work. more »

  LikeReply6 months ago