Deep End

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/167216/deep-end

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  AIDA

  I thoroughly enjoyed your poem, 'Deep End.' Your beautiful use of metaphors and emotive language truly capture the feelings of longing and despair, making it a poignant piece that many readers may resonate with. The subtle music references add a unique touch, making it attractive to music lovers, while the aquatic metaphors are artfully executed.
  
  Your strength in painting vivid emotional pictures is evident and your knack for encapsulating complicated emotions within simple and beautiful words is commendable. I particularly admire the lines 'I dove into the deep end / Was drowning, couldn't tell / If you were in those waters too.' as they perfectly capture the essence of feeling lost, alone and uncertain about mutual feelings in a relationship.
  
  For improvement, consider exploring varying your rhythm and meter, which might help the poem flow even better and be more impactful. The fourth stanza seems to be a slight deviation in terms of the rhythm, and making it consistent with the others might improve the overall experience. Additionally, you could enhance the ending to provide a strong, memorable finish, perhaps by adding a rhetorical question or a powerful statement that encapsulates the atmosphere and theme of the poem. Keep at it; you have incredible potential and a distinct voice. See how you can push boundaries with your poetry. Keep writing and keep refining! more »

  LikeReply8 months ago