My Divided Cycle

To breathe again. When will this end? I say as I lay in the tub enjoying this warm water falling

I’m sorry for acting so unappreciative. I understand I have the privilege of coming home again. Some don’t get to go to bed without fearing they’ll be dead when the morning comes. I hate how unhappy I’ve become

Oh, I long to smell the sweet pleasant scent of the lilacs I’m able to see beside me. These wondrous melodies can easily reach my eardrums but won’t fill the dopamine I’m severely lacking

I could touch and feel all my skin desires yet a smile couldn’t form when it’s acquired. The many tastes of sweet, savory, salty, and sour my tongue remembers then I forget to gracefully devour

My soul is such a coward

Laughters the best medicine. It’s not healing me though. Still, it’s something I experience before and after each tear flow

Oh, I love my mother. I didn’t have to grow up without a child’s rightful gain. So why do I suddenly wonder and hunger for some invisible trauma? Curiosity aims to kill when our thinking heart’s in vain. I don’t deserve a fairytale ending and neither to feel undeserving

I could go to the mall or play in a yard and drive a car while following directions on my phone waiting for some form of comfort and the known. It’s not the best but it’s also not the worst. Is it a blessing disguised as a curse or am I just a horrible person?

My soul remains sad and angry

One day I could wake up and live

Another I could die but today I’ll simply exist

How some survive is far beyond me

I cry and I panic uncontrollably

Life is a miracle and the worlds a gift
Almost everyone and everything in it
I’m a monster for not moving to clarity and exercising faith seems to escape me
I don’t know what to think, say, do, or feel, and how
I’m lost and confused, stuck behind the crowd
The answers are right in front of me but I don’t see anymore
I shouldn’t even be allowed to hear, feel, smell, and taste either
My brain; it hurts
My feelings are painful
My bones are intact and my health isn’t fateful

To breathe again. When will this end? I say as I lay in the tub enjoying this warm water falling…