Adolescence

Lyrics from a song I grew up with go like this: “I remember years ago, someone told me I should take caution when it comes to love; I did.”

I did.

Yea, I took caution but you wouldn’t know it because you’re all out here assuming the worst. Somehow judging our every move just because of when we were birthed. Huh? Make it make sense ‘specially since you the ones that “love” the most, how you so right, and I’m so wrong. Be honest, what do you know that I don’t? I grew up with all sorts of people teaching me how things would be when I go through these many hormones but now I’m living reality so please sit down and learn something. …Oh…wait, you still going. Sheesh. Are you embarrassed now? Call me selfish but I’m tryna pursue some guilt. Not much I can ask for at this point. C’mon now, we ringing up quite the bill. And don’t even dare say none of this is true. Because I don’t got the experience or because you do? It really meant nothing to me in the first place but if anything I been finding out how deeply the hypocrisy grew. Don’t mean to sound like an ungrateful grouch but it also seems to be stronger amongst those I can’t live without. That’s the thing though, I hate being dependent *and* constantly being let down. I didn’t expect much to begin with yet I can’t help but shake the ground. With all this negativity radiating onto me and the pain twitching all around, forcing an 18-year-old to become anxiety and depression bound. You should know It’s not healthy for a young girl to feel this much anger, the emotions are strong and I’m tryna tell you I can’t take it much longer. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…I hate to say it but the hatred, it’s building. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul. Forget anyone, how can everyone be so cruel? It's not in me to be jaded but I’ve never felt so exhausted. I can feel the flame and it’s truly making me sick to my stomach. I’m tired of you, I’m tired of me, I’m tired of what we all bring into a beautiful world that although already filled with imperfection; we’re running farther away from paradise here on earth. Farther away from God’s purpose, so distant from peace and love. Too much is going on and I’m way too weak to experience it all at once. I’m just tired of feeling tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically in one. When someone asks how I’m doing and all I can say is “fine.” But did you know fine can mean so much more, a life you’ve never known or heard of? Stop jumping to conclusions and thinking more or less of a person who only wants unconditional love. Please. I didn’t ask for this. A lot is an understatement now, it’s so much, too much. I been done. Was done before my life began and now I’m screaming while tryna hold on. The insanity is crazy and no one’s that lazy so nows the time to change before your one and only chance is gone. No more talking, definitely don’t choose the opposite, just be better because the race ain’t over and this wicked system won’t last long. Kinda funny when you think about it. I get now may not be the time to laugh but I might finally lose my mind without it.

How could you forget?

We weren’t meant to crash.