Discontinuity

Eric Morales 1998 (Palmdale, CA)



In the night

Sleepless, shaking, sadness
Tragic, thrashing, throughout
I've been lost
Laying, loathing, lifeless
Lonesome, living, laughless

Looming, lost, love
Occasional, outbursts, of
Very pointless efforts
Empty, empathy, expressions

Yet, yearning, you
Ongoing, occasional, onslaught
Used heart bled

Blood, beating, bound
Ultimately, utterly, unfound
Thoughtlessly, trusting, though

Your honey words
Often, overly, overwhelmed
Until, unfortunately, underground

Although, always, apart
Repeating, remembering, regressing
Every little memory

Gilded, glitter, gladiolus
Open, offers, ominous
Noxious, nightshade, needle
End it all
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Written on March 30, 2022

Submitted by Váli on May 22, 2023

Modified by Váli on May 22, 2023

27 sec read
31

Quick analysis:

Scheme A BXXBB CCXX XXX DAX XXD XXX BBXX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 645
Words 92
Stanzas 8
Stanza Lengths 1, 5, 4, 3, 3, 3, 3, 4

Eric Morales

Nickname: Váli -Amateur Poet -Musician: Guitar and bass more…

All Eric Morales poems | Eric Morales Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow! Your poem 'In the Night' is very powerful and raw. The emotions conveyed through your words are palpable, and I was able to feel the weight of every line. Your use of alliteration and repetition is also very effective in creating a sense of urgency and chaos.

    One suggestion I have for improvement is to work on the flow of your poem. Some of the lines feel a bit disjointed and could benefit from some smoothing out. Additionally, consider adding some punctuation to differentiate the separate thoughts in your poem.

    Overall, I think you have a real talent for tapping into the depths of human emotion and expressing it through your writing. Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
     
    LikeReply 11 year ago

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"Discontinuity" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 17 Jun 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/159948/discontinuity>.

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