I Do Not Know

I Do Not Know
By Nancy Rodriquez

I do not know if you are alive or dead,
When I get the news, I may be filled with dread,
or I may finally receive the closure I need,
Sometimes I want to allow things to be,
My faith in a future with you feels impossible,
and the constant doubt seems plausible,
of you ever being the man I knew and loved,
or the foolish stranger I can not ever trust,
As I reflect upon what might have been,
Is it right to judge you from within?
I also have many imperfections which dwell,
through all of the pain and distant hell.
You were the cause of all the sorrow,
 which gives me bittersweet tomorrows,
I know I do not live with any guilt,
You ran away from resolving this,
and it may have cost you your precious life,
denying me to ever become your wife.
I do not know.