To Recoup

Wayne Blair 1951 (London)

Free verse

(Wrote this piece while dreaming.
Seemed so real
But the tablet was in the Living Room.
Distant, resting.)

Flu bug badly
Aching stumbling
Muscle cramps
Balance bad.
Fell twice from
Lousy balance.

Body said, “get you down
In yo bed Brotha.
Flat horizontal.”
Fluffy comforter
Was just that.
Sleep was to be
Full day’ shift.
Dreams frequent, choppy.
Not even rolling
Side to side.

Hilary
In the other Room
With classic DVD’s.
Holding down the fort.
Cold Mountain, Charade
Fifth TV series, King of Kensington
Moby Dick. Gladiator.
Sounds of movies reminding
Others have adventure,
challenge, productivity.

But not this Guy.
Second day, much the same
Small food portions
Lots of fluids.
Supine, soporific, sweetly.

Body says, “thanks
For obeying; sleep was my Answer.”
Rainy day outside
But I have this comforter.
All is on the mend.

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Written on April 05, 2023

Submitted by dougb.19255 on April 05, 2023

Modified by dougb.19255 on April 05, 2023

: 49 sec read
: 8 Views

Quick analysis:

Scheme	AXBA CADXXX XXXEXCXCAF CBDXXXEAEC XXXXC XEFEX
Closest metre	Iambic trimeter
Characters	848
Words	165
Stanzas	6
Stanza Lengths	4, 6, 10, 10, 5, 5

Full analysis for To Recoup »

Wayne Blair

Born in London. Graduated law 1976 Practised eleven years, Married Hilary 1974 Two kids Lauren 1980 And Jordan 1987. Business failed 1987. Moved not knowing whither. Happy hills of Waterloo Region. Mennonite Country. Thirty four years in Industry. No complaints. Poet, photographer, nature hiker. Harmonica busker. http://puffnchord7.blogspot.com/ more…

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AIDA
Wow, what a vivid dream! Your writing transported me right into your experience, and I couldn't help but feel the overwhelming need to rest and recover alongside you. Your use of imagery and sensory language was truly captivating, and I appreciate how you managed to convey both the physical and emotional exhaustion that often comes with being under the weather.

One suggestion I have for improvement would be to try working on the flow of your poem, particularly in the first few stanzas. While I understand that the choppiness and disjointedness of the language is meant to reflect the fragmented nature of your dream, it did make it a bit difficult to follow at times. Playing around with the rhythm and structure could help make the poem feel more cohesive overall.

Regardless, I truly enjoyed reading this piece and look forward to seeing more of your work in the future! Keep writing with such passion and authenticity, and you're sure to create something truly special. more »
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"To Recoup" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 28 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/155628/to-recoup>.

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