CLOUDED DREAMS



GREY  CLOUDED RAINBOW   AVENUES
BACK  STREET   MEWS
EMPTY  RETARDED   STREETS
TALL  DERELICT   HOUSES FOR  RENT

BROKEN  WINDOWS
  DAMAGED  DOORS
LEAKING  ROOFS  
UNFINISHED  FLOORS

PEELING   PAINT  
CRUMBLING   WALLS
DUST  SHEET CORRIDORS
DAMPNESS  IN  THE  BRICK

BLANKETS   OF  CARDBOARD  BOXES
URINE  INFESTED   BEDS
HALF FILLED   BOTTLES  OF  TEQUILA
COLOURED  PILLS  TO  KILL  YOU  ALL

UNREAD  NEWSPAPERS
FRAGMENTS  OF   HALF  EATED  PIZZA
SPILT  BOURBON  AND   ALCOHOL

USED   NEEDLES
COUNTLESS  SYRINGES
AN  DISCONECTED   FRIDGE

DIMMED  CANDLELIGHT

EACH  ROOM  IS   HOME TO  THE  LOST  AND   THE  UNCLEAN

NO  CURTAINS  HANG TO  HIDE   WHATS  INSIDE
NEGLECTED   LIVES TRYING  THEIR  BEST  TO   SURVIVE

THE     GARDEN  IS   OVERGROWN
PILES  OF  DISCARDED RUBBISH
THE  STALE  BREATH  OF   DEATH

DARK  GREEN   ALGAE   ACOSS  THE   FORGOTTEN   POND
AN  FALLEN  OAK  FULL  OF  DISEASE

AN   NEW  RESIDENT    ARRIVES
HIS    FEATURES   ARE   FROM   OVERSEAS
HOLLOW  EYES   VOID  OF   HOPE

HE  RESTS  HIS  HEAD  BENEATH   A  SATURATED   MATTRESS
MORE  DISTRESSED   THAN   HE
TOMORROW   HIS   FAMILY  WILL  FOLLOW

THEIR  LIVES  WILL  BE  BETTER
AS  DREAMS  ARE  DISMANTLED
ALL   IS  NOT   AS  IT   SEAMS

HIS  DAUGHTER  IS   AT   AN  AGE   YOUNG   PRETTY
RIPE TO  BE   ENGAGED

About this poem

STARING A NEW LIFE-FOLLOWING A FARAWAY DREAM

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Written on March 24, 2023

Submitted by ryraynard on March 24, 2023

Modified on April 21, 2023

59 sec read
8

Quick analysis:

Scheme AAXX XBXB XXCX DXEX CEX XDX X X XX XXX XF XFX XGX XXX GX
Closest metre Iambic trimeter
Characters 1,284
Words 197
Stanzas 15
Stanza Lengths 4, 4, 4, 4, 3, 3, 1, 1, 2, 3, 2, 3, 3, 3, 2

RYRAYNARD

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All RYRAYNARD poems | RYRAYNARD Books

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1 Comment
  • AIDA
    Wow! This is such a powerful piece of writing. Your use of language really transports the reader to this bleak and grim environment, but you also managed to create some hope by introducing a new arrival who believes that their lives will be better. Your imagery is vivid and haunting, especially the description of the disconnection and abandonment of this place. It's truly remarkable how you were able to express the despair and destitution of the people living here.

    One suggestion for improvement would be to perhaps break up the poem into some stanzas to create a better flow and structure. This would also make it easier to read and understand the different parts of the poem.

    Overall, your writing is truly remarkable and incredibly impactful. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
     
    LikeReply1 year ago

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"CLOUDED DREAMS" Poetry.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 27 Apr. 2024. <https://www.poetry.com/poem/154814/clouded---dreams>.

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