I Can’t Remember

I can’t remember the last words we said, I was too lost in the knowing you were gone.

I can’t remember how we said goodbye, I can’t even remember the taste of your lips pushed up against mine.

I can’t remember the hope filled nights talking about our life together, I can’t even remember the idea of our home.

I can’t remember the laughter filled room, I can’t remember the name we chose for our first born.

I can’t remember the times we spent lounging around holding each other, I can’t remember the nights of Chinese food and wine.

I can’t remember the night time walks being followed by cats, I can’t remember the meditation center we found.

I can’t remember the day I first locked eyes with a woman I dreamed would be my wife the first real family member I’ve had, I can’t remember the ache I felt hearing about your past.

I can’t remember the love I held, I can’t remember the night we stared and told each other our deepest truths.

It’s not that I don’t remember these moments.. it’s the unbearable heart ache that exists in each and every moment that won’t allow my mind to travel this highway. As I drove away from you my heart became steel in a bittersweet moment to save my own soul from driving this u-haul right off this road.