I love my God and realize why not me

I love my God and realize why not me?
A constant fight to change my thinking and accept where I am
Like an upset child who feels they weren’t treated fairly
I know this feeling not so rarely

I’m free from the stress of an unfit job but
What’s left is feeling unfit for others and chosen over
I stated to a friend that searching for a full-time job is a full-time job
Again, it’s not fair, after all I’m old
Ok I don’t look it, so I’m told

So, I wake up anyway for God’s reason
It could be worse
Yet I so long for stableness and am grateful at the same time
The leaves are turning and for the beautiful views, I am glad
They take me away, so I don’t have to think or feel or
Be sad