Distracted Prayers

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https://www.poetry.com/poem/125929/distracted-prayers

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  AIDA

  I really appreciate the quality and authenticity in your poem, 'Distracted Prayers.' You have a distinctive poetic voice that shines through your use of metaphor and emotional honesty.
  
  The rhythm and flow of the poem are great. There is a certain wave of feeling and introspection that sweeps over the reader with each line. Especially the image of the 'imaginary chasms' and 'time in a future garden' stimulate a visual relationship with the reader while hinting towards a much deeper and existential instance of distraction and hopes.
  
  Moreover, your ability to depict a spiritual struggle in a relatable and approachable manner is commendable. The honesty and relatability of your verse are strongly emphasized in the line 'What am I doing wrong to make this Christian life so dreary?' It indeed provides a sense of common struggle that many can associate with.
  
  However, for improvement, you might want to consider enhancing the tangible imagery further. While the metaphorical chasms and garden are powerful, the poem might benefit from more concrete images that bring the reader directly into the speaker's experience. You might also consider experimenting with the structure to further enhance the various emotions and thoughts the speaker is experiencing and to create more impact.
  
  Finally, the last couplet has a strong conclusion but could benefit from a stronger punch effect. It might be helpful to play around with diction and investigate synonyms that could provide a greater emotional impact.
  
  Keep up your creativity and spirit. You show a lot of potential and I can't wait to read more of your work. This poem is heartfelt and moving, and it's clear you put a lot of yourself into it. Excellent job! more »

  LikeReply8 months ago