Solitary

Guess when they all left
So, did my will to care
Guess when they switched up
So, did my urge to stand there
Waiting for an apology
One wouldn’t be granted for me
I accepted being lonely.

Guess when they couldn’t communicate
So, did my ability to chase
Guess when  I was the only one loyal
So , did my desire to build a foyer
Waiting for someone to fight to stay
One shouldn’t have to beg to remain
I accepted the games they played

Used to think it’s in the waves , in the ways
Now, it’s in my brain
Couldn’t finally peace it
Defined its meaning
Now it’s starting to make sense ,I hope
My pride is all I own

It’s not a numbing feeling
I feel something
I’m just my own little experiment
Minds change like tides, it’s clearly evident
It effects  how we hold on and the way we let go
No attachments
So, I grabbed all the pieces of myself I own
Held myself hostage at home
I’ll look out at what I thought I know
That life’s a trick, it’s a plan, it’s a lesson for the decency
That’s why I stay in solitary.

Guess when I heard their whispers
So, did my urge to voice opinions
Guess when I can see their faces change as I leave
So, did my urge to view them as thieves
Waiting for acceptance
One shouldn’t have to fake to get
I accepted being looked at as “ the odd one “.  

Guess when they stopped calling
So, did my urge to quit bawling
Guess when I paved a way as I was helping
So, did my mission start fading
Waiting for them to travel the earth for me
One shouldn’t have to leave
I accepted being not one person’s “someone”

Used to think it’s in the air, in the clear
Now, it’s something I don’t fear
Couldn’t finally reach it
Suggested starving so I could fit , I won
My heart is all I showed

It’s not like having no remorse
I feel that a lot but, in fours
I’m just my own little friend
People change like clothes , it clearly correct
It effects how we trust and how we protect
No reference
So, I grab all the rights to my soul
Held myself hostage at home
I’ll review all that I know
That people are cruel, conniving and lustful with no motive for sufficiency
I’ll remain alone in solitary.

Guess when I was told I’d never be loved
So, did my urge to prove them wrong
Guess when I was told I’d never make it
So, did my ability to kill them with happiness
Waiting for them to finally get it
One shouldn’t feel like they aren’t thriving
I accepted being everybody’s reason for reapplying.

Guess when I was beaten down
So, did my urge to weld  a crown
Guess when I was focusing on what I did wrong
So, did my passion to make myself more strong
Waiting for nothing in return
One shouldn’t give a damn about someone’s thoughts.
I accepted that to people , I am the default.

Used to think it’s in the voice, in the vice
Now , I see it has a price
Couldn’t afford it at first
Suggested living like it’s rehearsed , I emerged
My time is all that’s a concern  

It’s not like having no emotions
Yet , I feel all the time , I just wait for the notions
I’m just my own little bomb
Paths change like weather, it’s clearly submission
It affects how we walk and when we back track
No hacks
So I grab all the pieces of sanity I own
Hold myself hostage at home
Look out at all the things I know
That fate is a trail, it’s a leisure , it’s a road for the voluntary
That’s why I stay in solitary