My middle name

Too many wasted years,
And I find myself alone.
I need some better peers,
And a place to call my home.

Am I a common criminal,
With disregard for laws and rules.
My efforts may seem minimal,
And I always play the fool.

I've made some bad decisions,
And my records not too clean.
I have spoken to physicians
And my thoughts are still obscene.

I'd love to change the past,
And find a motivation.
I wonder if I'll last,
And avoid an altercation.

I need to be a man,
And change my middle name.
not sure if I can,
For my middle name is shame.